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Goodbye to a friend…

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Today I am sitting here alone in an empty and quiet house.  And why is that?  Well, sadly just over two weeks ago we had to make the hard decision to put our beloved dog Honey to sleep.

The last picture of Honey taken days before her death
The last picture of Honey taken days before her death

It was a comfort to know that we made the decision that it was in her best interests, as well as taking the pain that she must have been enduring in the final weeks of her life.  However, that does not take away the immense pain of losing a beloved pet, as she was such a big part of our family.  The loss is great, and the loss is even more evident as I am sitting alone in the house whilst experiencing unrelenting symptoms.  Honey was a great source of comfort and companionship on my worst days, especially those that were spent whilst devoid of any human companionship.

Although, if something such as fall were to happen, Honey would obviously be unable to phone or raise the alarm but just the presence of her was a comfort; during the worst falls that I have had over the years, Honey would always come to my aid, well with a quick sniff and lick to ensure that I wasn’t badly hurt before lying down by my side until one of her other humans came home.

On the days where it was just me and Honey and I was unable to get out of bed because of weak and trembling legs, Honey would regularly run upstairs to check on me before settling on her favourite seat back downstairs.  Other times, I would awaken from a nap to find Honey laying on the carpet beside my bed.

Now Honey is no longer with us, and its first time since her passing when I have both been on my own and experiencing one of my worst days and I am feeling much less secure and safe.  I feel like a small child whose security blanket has been snatched from their arms.  Without the dog around to comfort and protect me (yes, every little noise when left alone was seen as a threat to me and would be met with a lot of barking!) it has made this particularly bad day feel that much worse and feel a lot longer than the seven hours I would have spent alone.

For those like me, living with a chronic illness, pets can be a very important presence in our lives.  This is especially considering most of our time is spent in the house, often on our own as those we live with go off to school or work, and we are left in the company of a beloved pet such as a dog.  They help to ease our loneliness that we often feel when living with a long-term health condition and shines a bright light during the darkest of days living with persistent symptoms.

Honey made me laugh so much, even on the days when it seemed I had nothing to laugh about, but she would only have to look at me with her big, chocolate-brown eyes, or do something fun and it would a big smile on my face.

Honey with a potato in her mouth!
Honey with a potato in her mouth!

Yes, they provide companionship and support, but also they become a substitute for friends in a way, our close allies to attempt to live a full and happy life despite chronic illness.  Our beloved pets, give us their unconditional love and support, and the fact that we live with unpredictable and often severe symptoms does not bother them in the slightest, in fact they often show us more love and affection because we do as they can sense that not all is well with us, and they only want to make us feel better in any way they can.

This has been only been my experience of living with a dog for the fourteen years we had with Honey.  Dogs, in particular, are incredibly non-judgemental, not caring what we look like or why we have cancelled on plans, unlike a lot of humans that we come across during our everyday lives.

There are an incredible amount of studies that have shown the many health benefits of owning a pet.  For example, it has been shown that pets can lower blood pressure, lessen anxiety and boost immunity as well as increasing exercise for those with dogs when taking them for their exercise!   There are also the social benefits to help curb loneliness and isolation, such as the ability to meet new people whilst taking a dog for a walk for example.

And yes, I agree that there are numerous health and social benefits to owning a pet, but for those living with chronic illness and/or disabilities they can enrich our lives in so many other ways.
Thank you, Honey, for always being there during my times in need, and for constantly being a source of comfort and companionship.  Thank you for making life brighter when illness threatened to block out the light,

We will never forget you.

Sleep tight, old friend.

My beautiful dog Honey who provides comfort, laughs, cuddles and kisses during times of illness and being bed-ridden!

RIP Honey (2001-2016)

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HAWMC Day 26: Navigating the Ups and Downs of Chronic Illness…

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Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based on given prompts.

Sunday 26th April: Make it a great day!

Life is full of ups and downs.  Sometimes, the type of day we have is out of our control, but other times, we can influence how our day is going.  Come up with 5 tips for changing your frame of mind when you’re having a bad day!

There is saying that says ‘Life is like a rollercoaster.’  And this saying, perfectly sums up what it is to live with a chronic illness.

Every day there are many ups and downs as a result of our chronic illnesses.

There are plenty of ‘up’ moments, little moments that make the day worthwhile and gives us a reason to smile.

However, inevitably there are just as many ‘down’ moments, usually as a result of the onset of symptoms, and other effects that are a result of living with a chronic illness.

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It is true that we as individuals have control over how we are feeling and therefore influence how our day is going.  However, as those of living with a chronic illness will relate, often our symptoms and our long-term health condition very often dictate the type of day we are going to have.

Take yesterday, for instance, as my Mum has the week off from work, we were planning a trip to a local out-of-town shopping centre, which I was really looking forward to, especially as trips out, particularly those with Mum and Dad are rare.

However, on the morning of the planned trip, I awoke feeling exceptionally weak.  During the night, I experienced excruciating pain in my legs, and in the morning, I found that they were weak and barely strong enough to hold me up, never mind being strong enough to allow me to walk around shops for most of the morning.

Furthermore, the constant dizziness that I experience as a result of the brain stem lesion was exceptionally intense.

As a result, therefore, I felt that I was too unwell to go on the planned trip, and instead spent most of the day lying on the sofa beneath my comforting duvet whilst my parents went shopping.  It was disappointing and frustrating not being able to do something that I was so looking forward to, and just one example of not being in control of how our day is going.

So, on these bad days, and the days in which we have no control over our day as a result of illness, how can we help change our frame of mind to make a bad day seem less so?  Here are 5 tips that can help change our day:

  • Practice gratitude: In my experience, using a gratitude journal and practicing gratitude can greatly help change our mindset.  In these gratitude journals, it is useful to write at least 3 good things that happened to you during the day no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.  In my experience, in my doing so it helps to change your negative mindset into a positive one, and furthermore, it also helps to make you appreciate the little gifts that each day delivers.

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    Rewarding yourself: After a long day battling with symptoms such as pain, nausea, dizziness is a feat in itself! By planning to reward yourself, for getting through a difficult and stressful day, or for finishing a task despite dealing with debilitating symptoms it can help to give yourself something else to think about besides the symptoms currently being experienced.  Rewarding ourselves gives us something to look forward to despite the stresses of living with chronic illness. The reward does not need to be big or expensive; sometimes it’s finding pleasures in the little things in life.  My favourite reward?  A delicious bar of chocolate to savour at the end of the night!

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  • Listen to a favourite song and sing along!: Research has shown that listening to music that you like can actually alter your mood and alleviate feelings of depression.  Therefore, make your own ‘Feel Better’ playlist in your Mp3 player that includes songs that work for you and which lifts your mood.  Choose positive and uplifting songs that you can sing along to, such as the brilliant ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams.  It could really help change the outlook for the day!

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  • Honour yourself and your body: On these days, where we feel that we have no control, is the most important time to practice some self-care.  It is important to practice these rituals when we need it the most.  Nurture yourself by taking a warm bath, schedule a massage, cozy up with a book, or relax with a cup of tea and enjoy some quiet time.

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  • Smile!: Research has shown that in fact smiling really can turn a frown upside down.  When things seem bad smiling can actually make us feel more positive and happier about the situation, so let’s all try smiling!  And surround yourself with positive people and positive things – the positivity board that I have set up in my bedroom really does help when I am experiencing bad flares as a result of my condition.  It is a reminder that the negative situation is not permanent, it’s only temporary and as everything that is brief, it will soon pass.
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HAWMC Day 14: Trying to take on the world…

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Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based on given prompts.

Tuesday 14th April: “I feel best when…” 

Write about moments when you feel like you can take on the world.  Where, when and how often does this happen?

Again this is an extremely difficult prompt for me to answer.  For some time now, too long to remember when it started, but the symptoms have become much more severe and debilitating.  As well as the deterioration in the severity of the symptoms, the symptoms themselves over the years has become constant.

It now seems that I never get a respite from the symptoms such as the dizziness, trembling in the legs and pain.  Not all the symptoms, however, are constant, for instance, certain triggers provoke visual disturbances, and although these symptoms are not consistent, they still occur more than they used to.

Therefore, as I never get a break from living with the symptoms, every day can often feel like a struggle and can feel that I never feel my best and able to take on the world.

This is especially the case when going out after a restless night’s sleep due to pain, which has been the case for a few months.  Furthermore, as the trembling and dizziness are so bad, it is a struggle to be able to get out of the house, never mind finding the stamina to take on the world.

Living with symptoms which are constant can make it difficult to be able to take on the world
Living with symptoms which are constant can make it difficult to be able to take on the world

Although, I do find that when I am feeling at my worst due to the pain and trembling in my legs as well as the dizziness and I somehow find enough strength and determination to achieve something that I have struggled to do, such as going to a place that is difficult for me (e.g. retail stores which have high ceilings or a lot of fluorescent lights).

When I do, I suppose it is the closest I can feel to being able to take on the world; I experience a surge of confidence when I have been able to battle through the debilitating symptoms to achieve a goal.  I cannot remember when the last time it happened, but I can remember feeling so happy and proud of myself after managing to stay in a local Next store despite struggling to cope with severely trembling legs and horrendous dizziness.

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The symptoms were so severe that during the entire trip, I felt like I needed to get out of the store and go home.  However, despite how bad I felt, I fought through the symptoms and managed to stay in there, even long enough to queue and buy an item of clothing.  For me, at this time it was an immense achievement as there were many times when I was unable to go to the store due to my symptoms.

I also notice that when I can push through the symptoms and able to accomplish a goal, I am also able to do more and go to other places too.

Perhaps it is the little achievements that we as spoonies manage to carry out despite living with debilitating and continuous symptoms that can make us feel like we can take on the world.

 

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HAWMC Day 7: World Health Day

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Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based upon given prompts.

Tuesday April 7th: World Health Day 

April 7th is World Health Day – so let’s talk about daily nutrition and diet.  After your diagnosis, did you alter your diet or health routine?  If so, how so?  How do you maintain a health regiment?

Water.  Leonardo di Vinci, famously said that “Water is the driver of nature.” Drinking plenty of water and keeping well hydrated is vital for a healthy functioning brain and nervous system.  Therefore, when living with a neurological disorder, hydration and proper nutrition are not only critical to sustaining health but can also prevent a progression of the condition, or worsening of symptoms.

After being diagnosed with a neurological therefore, I take steps to ensure that I drink enough water throughout the day and even downloaded an app for my phone to remind myself to drink a glass of water, as living with symptoms such as fatigue, and brain fog, it can be really easy to forget!  And nowadays, water is generally the main beverage that I choose to drink.  I have never been one to drink hot drinks, such as tea or coffee, although I do enjoy the occasional hot chocolate for a treat!  But knowing all of the benefits of water for not just the brain, but the whole body I am happy drinking it, knowing I am doing something good for my health.

Doctors estimate that we need to drink around 8 glasses of water a day
Doctors estimate that we need to drink around 8 glasses of water a day

Since my diagnosis, however, I would not say I have taken huge alterations to my diet or daily health regiment.  I have been aware more of my diet and the importance of maintaining a healthy weight, especially as the weakness in my legs, and the other symptoms have made it difficult to regularly take part in cardiovascular exercise.  I am now therefore more aware of what I eat, and if we are having a take-away or eating out, then I will choose a dish that is healthy and not overloaded with salt or fat.  Recently, I have been opting to eat dishes with chicken, or seafood, especially king prawns, which not only have plenty of protein but are also low in fat.

Over the past couple of years, I have also developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which can result in agonising stomach cramps, bloating, and diarrhea.  As a result of this new diagnosis, I now have to be careful what I eat, especially for any potential trigger foods.  For example, dairy products can often be a trigger for an IBS flare, in particular cream and to have ensure that I ask for any desserts or my order of a hot chocolate not to be topped off with the whipped cream.  Luckily, in terms of the IBS, I have found a great friend in peppermint tea, as if a bad flare of the symptoms occur, after a mug or tea of the tea, I often find that the symptoms such as the stomach cramps eases off.  Yay for peppermint tea!

Would recommend for anyone with IBS to keep some peppermint tea handy in case of a flare
Would recommend for anyone with IBS to keep some peppermint tea handy in case of a flare

Exercise, as previously mentioned is often very difficult when living with a chronic illness, due to debilitating symptoms, such as pain, fatigue and weakness inhibits us to be able to do so.  However, last year I joined, what is known as a feel-good factory.  It is different from a conventional gym, as the equipment there consists of toning tables rather than giving a cardiovascular workout.  These toning tables are designed to rebuild muscle strength, tone, improve posture, increase circulation and mobility, just some of the examples of the benefits of the equipment.  And as the equipment consists of chairs and beds, I am not at risk of falls due to legs giving way.  Although I may not have seen improvements in the muscle strength and tone in my legs, it may be that without regularly working out at the feel-good factory, the weakness may be even worse.

FeelGood Factory in Llantrisant - photograph from their Facebook page
FeelGood Factory in Llantrisant – photograph from their Facebook page

All these steps, may not have had any effect on the symptoms caused by my neurological condition, which is evident by the recent worsening of my symptoms, however by taking small steps in maintaining a healthy regiment such as drinking plenty of water, and eating a healthy low-fat diet I can not only have control over aspects of my health that I can control but also helps to avoid even more health problems often caused by an unhealthy lifestyle.

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HAWMC Day 4: The unpredictability of a predictable life…

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Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based on given prompts.

Saturday 4th April: Creature of Habit 

What good habits (health or otherwise) do you have?  Do you have a routine that you follow every morning?  Are there any bad habits you wish you could break?

As someone living with a chronic illness, my obvious morning routine consists of making sure that I take my daily medication to help manage the symptoms caused by my neurological condition.

Routine is something which is defined as ‘a sequence of actions regularly followed.’  Therefore, a routine follows a predictable pattern.

The only thing predictable about living with a chronic illness, however, is the unpredictable nature of our daily lives.

As a result, being able to maintain a routine is extremely difficult as we never know how we are going to feel from one day to the next.  We do not know whether our bodies are going to cooperate on that particular day.  About my own experiences of living with a chronic illness, due to spastic paraparesis, my legs are weak, and often there are days that I am unable to get out of bed due to the severity of the weakness.  When these days occur, therefore any routine and habits that I do follow become impractical.

It is not only the physical symptoms that make it difficult to follow a daily routine successfully, but other symptoms such as pain, insomnia, and fatigue are also obstacles in the ability to maintain a routine.  Due to fluctuating pain levels, I often find it difficult to sleep.  As a result, my sleep patterns become disordered and out of kilter; finding myself waking early in the morning one day and sleeping in late the next.  And fatigue is the most significant hurdle in my opinion as very often you feel too exhausted to be able to do anything besides lying down and watching television!

Regarding wishing, if there were any bad habits, I would like to break, I suppose I would choose to check my phone less!  I do check it often, as it often feels that it is my most significant connection to others (through social media) and the world outside my house.

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