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531000_10150773237874254_36556179253_11327993_607059728_n Welcome to the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge brought together by WEGO Health – a social network for all health activists.  Again, I am participating in the annual Writer’s Month Challenge in which I will be writing about my health activism and health condition based upon given prompts.

Sunday April 5th: Breaking News  The top story of today is…YOU.  Share with your readers your proudest accomplishments in the last 5 years.  Don’t be shy, tell us everything!

It often feels that chronic illness robs us of our lives.  As a result of the debilitating symptoms we constantly live with, the majority of our time is very often spent inside the safety and comfort of our homes.  Sometimes much of our time is even spent stuck in bed. It very often feels that chronic illness is controlling us rather than the other way around.  And because of these feelings of inadequacy and grieving over the life we have lost takes place in our conscious thoughts.  I know from personal experience, that very often we feel that because of our time spent living with illness, we have not accomplished anything special, especially when witnessing the many accomplishments and big life events of our friends and family on social media. We forget to celebrate the small victories and accomplishments that we achieve without us ever realising it; sure, they may be inconsequential to an outsider, but fellow spoonies and our close friends and family will know how big these triumphs are, especially as it shows our strength at not letting our chronic illness win and dictate our lives. So, as the prompt asks, I am going to share with you all some of the small victories and accomplishments that I have achieved during the last five years:

  1. Going on a cruise – This is probably the biggest accomplishment that I have achieved.  A lot of people are afraid of the unknown, but as fellow spoonies will relate, this fear can become worse when living with a chronic illness.  So, going on a holiday, and especially a holiday that we  have never been on before can provoke worry. What will it be like?  How am I going to feel during the cruise?  What if I become ill? A lot of questions are raised when going on holiday and a lot needs to be thought of when living with a long-term health condition.  But despite the worry and the severity of my condition at the time, I still went on the fortnight cruise and had a wonderful time

    The magnificent 'Adventure of the Seas'
    The magnificent ‘Adventure of the Seas’
  2. Going to Bath – I am a fan of Jane Austen, so it has been of one my dreams for sometime to go and visit the Bath, a city in which she lived for several years and influenced several of her novels.  And last week, I made it there.  At the time I was disappointed as the trip to the museum was the only visit I accomplished during the time, Mum and I spent there.  The rest of the trip was spent lying on the bed in the hotel as I was too unwell to do anything else.  But looking at it positively however, the trip was still an accomplishment as not only had I visited a new city that I had never been before, but I also visited someplace I wanted to go for sometime.
  3. Going to the Cinema – Due to the dizziness, going to places such as the cinema is very difficult for me, as it’s not only due to the extensive sensory overload which can make the dizziness worse and cause vertigo but due to the neurological condition, I am unable to cope with buildings which have high ceilings.  However, despite this when the film, Les Miserables came out I really wanted to go and see it as it’s one of my favourite musicals.  My carer took me to a smaller cinema, but it was still quite the ordeal and really had to battle against the dizziness and nausea.  Somewhere, despite all of this however, I managed to stay and watch the entire film and so therefore this was quite the accomplishment.BCCY6Z7CcAA0Q7e
  4. Started shopping at Next – Due to the problems with large buildings being able to go and shop in stores located in local retail parks is also extremely difficult, and as a result mostly use online shopping to buy clothes from my favourite store, Next.  However, before my cruise last year, I wanted new clothes to take with me.  So, once again I pushed myself to go in there, it was not easy and often had to leave the store and go back and sit in the car because of the severe trembling in my legs but the determination I had gave me the strength to try and try again.  Now, I regularly visit the store, even if it’s just to look around, and can even push myself to spend more time in there then I previously could.

    It's more satisfying shopping in-store than relying on the internet
    It’s more satisfying shopping in-store than relying on the internet
  5. Visiting new places – A lot of spoonies, I am sure can relate to the difficulty and worry of going somewhere we have never been before.  We spoonies often love the familiar.  Going to towns or cities which we know well is far easier when living with a chronic illness as we know where certain facilities are such as the toilet for example.  For me, suffering with severely weak legs and dizziness I often need to sit down somewhere quiet, and therefore when shopping in familiar surroundings I know where there are suitable places to take a rest.  When going to new places, however, we do not know any of these types of information, so visiting someplace new can cause worry and anxiety but during the past year or so I have managed to push myself to visit new places, which I have throughly enjoyed and although there have been problems such as legs giving way when I have not found any places to recuperate when symptoms flare, I am glad I have given myself the opportunity to experience new places and now have new places I love shopping!

What have been your recent victories and accomplishments?  Celebrate them all – even if they seem small and inconsequential!  Being a spoonie, even getting out of bed and having a shower is an achievement, especially on a bad day!

Well, today marks the start of a brand new start month.

The start of something new – whether it be a new day, month or year.

It is like a fresh, white piece of paper, in which the past and everything that has come before forgotten, and instead, we are allowed to start afresh.

To start our story anew.

It opens up new possibilities and opportunities and allows us the hope for a better today and tomorrow (and beyond).

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And this is most important when living with a long-term health condition.  To live with illness every day is most difficult, and perhaps one of the most challenging aspects of living with a chronic an excellent is the unpredictability of it and the unknown of what each new day will bring.

Even with every little sign of illness such as a headache, for example, brings the fear of the start of new symptoms or even the possibility of a deterioration in our illness narrative.  Therefore, hope is a vital thread for us to hold onto as it allows the possibility of a life without chronic illness and our lives dictated to by our symptoms.

During the recent weeks since my last blog post, I have been trying to remember these points.

As much as I have been trying to remain positive and to hold onto the invisible thread of ‘hope,’ I, however, have been living with the storm clouds above my head.

Just before the beginning of 2015, I had the hope that this will be a really good year.  Don’t get me wrong; I do not have the irrational belief that I would miraculously improve during the coming year.  As I had a few good weeks before Christmas, I did have the hope however that it would be the year that my symptoms would not deteriorate and I would not experience another decline in the severity of my symptoms.

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It would seem that this particular thread of hope has unravelled.

In fact, these past few weeks has been the hardest weeks that I have experienced concerning my illness for a long time.  It often feels that my body is taken a severe battering from all of my symptoms.

The dizziness has been so severe, that even doing the simplest things extremely difficult.  The trembling and weakness in the legs have also been very relentless; my legs are feeling extremely jelly-like, that recently I have lost all confidence in being able to visit our local town centre and walking around the shops.  Using my wheelchair is one option, however, due to the severe dizziness and the constant perceived motion that I am experiencing, it would make me feel even more nauseous.

Everyday of late has felt like an uphill battle from the moment I get up out of bed until I go to bed later that day.  Because of the severity of the dizziness, nausea, weakness as well as the increased levels in fatigue, has meant that I often just want to go to bed and burrow myself under my covers and stay there for the foreseeable future.  However, I have not given into my longings and have been pushing myself to still going out, although am finding my trips out have been considerably shorter than previous months.

During my last post, I discussed the feelings of loneliness and isolation that can often accompany chronic illness, and during this recent battle, these feelings have unfortunately only increased.

Perhaps one of the main reasons is not letting anyone in my close circle of friends and family know just how bad things have gotten.  Of those who are in my tight circle of confidants, I have tried reaching out, not getting an immediate response when I actually in need of someone.  It has often only increased the feelings of depression.  Often thoughts of whether I’m liked within my circle friends usually follow, stupid I know but perhaps illustrates how difficult things have gotten recently.

I am trying to think of some ways to widen my social life, and perhaps make way for new friends, maybe even considering the social network Meet Up.

Or setting up a group for those like me who are living with a chronic illness or disability and who are also socially isolated because of it, just a thought in progress at this stage but would love to hear your thoughts and whether anyone has had any success with the site.

At the moment I am dealing with dark storm clouds but still, have hope for the appearance of a bright and beautiful rainbow in the hopefully not so distant future…

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When living with a chronic illness, any chronic illness there are of course many symptoms that we are forced to live with as a consequence.  Both physical and psychological effects of living with a long-term health condition such as the neurological condition that I live with everyday.  Perhaps one of the most significant and common psychological repercussions of living with a chronic illness, which is not always discussed is loneliness.

Loneliness is often discussed in relation to the elderly.  It is often seen as a consequence of getting older.  However, loneliness is a feeling that can strike at any age and whatever the personal circumstances of the individual concerned.  In my personal experience, through personal experience and with engaging with those within the chronic illness and the ‘spoonie’ community, loneliness can also be very much evident when living with chronic illness.  Not only is loneliness is felt in terms of living with a chronic illness itself, in the feeling that no else understands what it is like with living with such an illness. However, loneliness can also manifest itself in the physical sense – the lack of company.  One often consequence of being diagnosed with a chronic illness, is that friends can disappear from our lives.  Many cannot handle seeing a friend being in pain, or cannot understand when plans are often cancelled due to the onset of debilitating symptoms.  Living with chronic illness can often result in many hours spent alone in our homes.  Hours spent lying in bed or on a comfortable sofa.  Hours spent binge-watching boxsets, often because a lack of other options and to fill the deafening silence that surrounds us.

Bank Holidays are a time where loneliness and isolation feels more evident when living with chronic illness
Holidays are a time where loneliness and isolation feels more evident when living with chronic illness

Being alone is something that I routinely have to deal with as my parents are often working and have few friends living nearby that have the time to visit and keep me company on those days in which my symptoms are particularly bad.  It was on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day this year however, the feeling of loneliness and isolation was particularly evident.  Like previous years, I celebrated the start of New Year alone, whilst my parents were sleeping upstairs (both were unfortunately started work early the next day) and as I had no contact with anybody and no-one had bothered to phone or text me to wish me a Happy New Year the feelings of loneliness were exacerbated. I felt jealous whilst watching the live New Year celebrations on television and seeing those people who were friends and family for the night meant for celebration, whilst I was sat on my own.  The first day of a brand new year also started on my own in an empty house with only a dog whose only interest was sleeping.  As cards drove onto our street and emptied with the arrival of visitors to other houses in my street, I  felt even more alone and felt incredibly low.

It’s frustrating living with a neurological condition like mine.  Due to the symptoms which are particularly debilitating such as the dizziness and weakness in the legs (which are unpredictable and it’s not known when they may give way), I am not able to get out of the house alone.  Therefore, as a result it makes it even more difficult to be able to go out and make new friends.  It’s as if my neurological condition has torn down bridges between myself and the life that I want to lead, and instead has built a wall around me, trapping and confining me.

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It is of course, easy to make online friends or even penpals which I have been trying as a way to quench my thirst for human interaction and companionship.  These are great substitutes and an easy way to make new friends, but I still crave face-to-face interaction with someone around my own age over a cup of hot chocolate.  Isn’t that we all want in life?  Plenty of friends that we can count on during the good and bad times in our lives?  How to achieve that when living with an illness that prevents you from leaving the house unaided is still a huge question that remains.

Although that I hope to gain new friends during the coming year, and hoping that I will have people to celebrate the start of 2016 with…

Once again it’s the most wonderful time of the year; and like the Christmases that have come before, we again have been inundated with various iconography associated with Christmas.  Images such as Father Christmas, snow and Christmas trees adorn popular decorations, and greeting cards meant for the holidays.

However, in my opinion, there is one particular image that is often associated with the Christmas season, which is a perfect representation of those living with chronic illnesses. What is it, you ask?

It’s the snowflake!

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It’s well-known that no two snowflakes are alike.  Each one is entirely individual and unique – much like us spoonies.  Not only are we individual, just like everyone else with differing interests and personalities, but also fits in with living with a chronic illness.  Just as we are unique and individual, our chronic conditions and the way they manifest itself are just as unique.  This can be especially true with neurological disorders like mine as well as conditions such as MS and myasthenia gravis (which are both known as a ‘snowflake disease’) because there are so many different symptoms and no two patients are likely to exhibit the same set of symptoms.

Snowflakes as well as being unique and individual, are also beautiful – just like the spoonies that I have had the pleasure of coming into contact with through my blog or my other social media sites.  It is said that snowflakes are fragile, but when one or more snowflakes stick together, they actually become stronger.

During my journey living with this neurological condition, I have learned many lessons and one such lesson that chronic illness has taught me that there is indeed strength in numbers.  On the days that my body has felt weak and fragile, and feeling that the hope that helps me through is diminishing, it is messages of support from fellow chronically ill people that really helps me through the dark days.   These give me the strength to fight my symptoms and continue to live despite the often debilitating symptoms.

Recently, the symptoms that I live with on a daily basis such as the pain and trembling in the legs, the dizziness, fatigue, and weakness have been particularly debilitating, and as a result, I have been experiencing mild symptoms of depression that I often find accompanies periods of ill-health such as these.  Part of these low moods, I have seen myself, comparing myself to others, particularly family and those friends who are close in age to myself, and feeling notably different to everyone else.  And not in a good way.

However, snowflakes, and what they stand for can teach us that it is okay to be different from everybody else.  It teaches us that being individual and unique is in actual fact a good thing and, it is these differences that sets us apart from anybody else, and what makes us special.

Therefore, perhaps when we know someone (particularly a fellow spoonie) who is struggling.  Or who are feeling upset because of something which is affecting them and setting them apart, then maybe we should send them a card or a little present depicting a snowflake to remind them just how beautiful, special and unique they are – and that being different is more than okay.

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Not only a beautiful piece of jewellery but a perfect gift for anyone who is struggling with being different…

Winter can be hard for those living with chronic illness and chronic pain. But even despite this, however, there are still many reasons for loving winter.

What Immediately Comes to Mind When You Think of Winter?

When imagining winter, which words or images are conjured up in your mind?

For many, they would answer with images such as the nights drawing in during the early evening. Heavy rain lashing against the windows. The sounds of the howling wind outside and fighting against the constant outbreaks of colds and flu.

This myriad of some of the images synonymous with winter paints a pretty miserable picture. Especially when juxtaposed with images of summer such as the bright, warm sunshine, colourful and vibrant flowers and so on.

"Images synonymous with winters such as heavy rain lashing against windows and the sounds of the howling wind outside paints a pretty miserable picture. Winter is indeed the cruellest and relentless of the seasons." Share on X

Winter is a time to dread. Summer a time where everything feels alive and happy and time of endless possibilities.  Winter is indeed the cruellest and relentless of the seasons.

It is only the start of the autumn and winter seasons, and already, I have heard many people complaining and griping because of the cold, wet weather.

The Unrelenting Horror of Winter When Living With Chronic Pain

For those suffering from chronic pain, winter can be a challenging time. The freezing temperatures can exponentially increase the amount of pain experienced, for example.

"For those suffering from chronic pain, winter can be a challenging time. The freezing temperatures can exponentially increase the amount of pain experienced, for example." Share on X

In my experience of living with spastic paraparesis (causing stiffness and weakness in the legs) the bitter cold weather and the constant downpour of rain increase the level of rigidity and instability that I experience, thereby increasing my pain levels.

During previous years increased levels of pain, stiffness, and weakness has left me reliant on my wheelchair for the majority of the time when out of the house.

Winter weather can often exacerbate symptoms especially pain
Winter weather can often exacerbate symptoms especially pain

There are steps that I, and others living with a chronic illness and chronic pain during the winter months.  These can include wearing thermals underneath warm clothing to lessen the effects of the cold temperatures on our chronic pain.  Hot water bottles, warm blankets, and snuggly pyjamas are also fantastic at helping us keep warm.  These steps can help us with the physical pain associated with our long-term conditions. However, they do not lessen the emotional impact that winter has on our psychological well-being.

"Steps can be undertaken to help with the physical pain associated with our long-term conditions. However, they do not lessen the emotional impact that winter has on our psychological well-being." Share on X

The Emotional Impact of Winter on Emotional Well-Being

Many people experience some form of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) a kind of depression associated with reduced exposure to sunlight.  Light therapy involves sitting in front or beneath a lightbox. As well as more conventional treatments for depression, including cognitive behavioural therapy and sometimes antidepressants can help ease the symptoms of SAD.

Winter can be a miserable time for many...and not a good time for those with chronic illness
Winter can be a miserable time for many and not a good time for those with chronic illness – Pinterest

I have talked about positive psychology before regarding helping cope with living with a long-term health condition.

One example of an exercise within the field of positive psychology is keeping a gratitude journal.

A gratitude journal encourages individuals to write down at least three things that have made them happy on that day.

Research suggests that by doing this, it can change the brain’s thought processes. It can even result in more favourable thinking patterns.  Therefore, to be more positive and happier during the winter months, perhaps we need to remind ourselves of the reasons to love winter.

"To be more positive and happier during the winter months, perhaps we need to remind ourselves of the reasons to love winter." Share on X

Why Should We Start Loving Winter, Then?

So what are some of the reasons we should love winter?

Reasons For Loving Winter: The Opportunity to Stay Indoors Without Judgement or Provocation

The cold and wet weather during the winter months provides the ideal opportunity to stay indoors. One that is the same for most people regardless of whether they live with a chronic illness or not.  When I tell others I want to stay indoors; there is disbelief on their faces during the summer months.

I am barraged with well-meaning encouragement to venture outside, supposedly an apparent cure for all my ills.  In the winter, on the other hand, others do not comment on my love of staying indoors. Let’s face it everybody wants nothing more than to snuggle beneath a blanket and enjoy a box-set binge when the bad weather hits.

"In the winter, others do not comment on my love of staying indoors. Let's face it everybody wants nothing more than to snuggle beneath a blanket and enjoy a box-set binge when the bad weather hits." Share on X

As well as being not judged for spending so much time indoors, I also feel that I am not going to feel envious or that I have missed out on anything fun.  Friends and family are also spending the majority of the time at home, choosing to stay in and binge the new series of TV programmes that tend to start when the weather begins to deteriorate.  Recently some of my favourite television programmes have returned to the Autumn schedule, such as Grey’s Anatomy and Criminal Minds.

Nothing more enjoyable than wrapping up warm during the cold winter weather or sit in front of a fireplace (if able)
Nothing more enjoyable than wrapping up warm during the cold winter weather or sit in front of a fireplace (if able) – Pinterest

Reasons For Loving Winter: Comfort, Blankets and Netflix!

Winter provides us with the perfect excuse to stay indoors and curl up with a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate.  It furthermore provides us with the ideal opportunity to enjoy an exciting book; or watch a film that you might never have otherwise watched via Netflix.  In other words, winter can provide us with the unique opportunity to bask in the enjoyment of being able to appreciate the little things that give us comfort and joy while also protecting ourselves from the atrocious weather.  Whereas summer is all about the fast pace and cramming as much fun in as possible, winter allows us to savour each moment.

A mug of hot chocolate is so comforting during winter - always make time when out shopping!
A mug of hot chocolate is so comforting during winter – always make time when out shopping!
"Winter can provide us with the unique opportunity to bask in the enjoyment of being able to appreciate the little things that give us comfort and joy while also protecting ourselves from the atrocious weather."   Share on X

I also love going to bed during the winter months and getting beneath my delectably thick winter duvet.  For me, this duvet is comforting, especially when feeling the effects of chronic illness.  Our winter wardrobes are also another enjoyable aspect of enjoying the cold and dreary months. To feel snuggly and safe beneath layers of warm layers of clothing such as big thick jumpers, woolly scarves and hats and thick socks when venturing outdoors.

I own a pair of Ugg boots which I continuously wear through the autumn and winter. They are so comfortable and also keep my feet incredibly warm. These boots are among my favourites and which people often comment on when out, which makes me feel good about myself.

My ever so warm and snuggly ugg boots!!
My ever so warm and snuggly ugg boots!!

Reasons For Loving Winter: The Delicious and Comforting Food and Drinks on Offer

A further reason to love winter is the food! Winter food provides comfort during the cold months. Mince pies, apple pies, pumpkin pies and other seasonal treats that appear in the supermarkets. Winter vegetables can be roasted or used as ingredients for bowls of steaming soups or even baked into delectable pies.

"Winter food provides comfort during the cold months. Winter vegetables can be roasted or used as ingredients for bowls of steaming soups or even baked into delectable pies." Share on X

Chilly evenings also provides the perfect pretext to enjoy a steaming mug of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and marshmallows or sprinkles of cocoa powder. And if the weather is keeping you indoors, there is plenty of time to put everything you have learned from The Great British Bake Off into practice. Assembling a gingerbread house or experimenting with the abundance of seasonal recipes that you have always wanted to try but never found the time.

Reasons For Loving Winter: Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas!

Lastly, the most important reason to love the winter season is all the exciting events that occur during this time. Halloween, Bonfire Night and everyone’s favourite Christmas! These events provide excitement and wonder and the opportunity to come together with those whom we may not have seen for some time. It is hard to dislike Bonfire Night, as beautiful, colourful and vibrant lights are seen decorating the night skies.

"Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas provides excitement and wonder and the opportunity to come together with those whom we may not have seen for some time." Share on X

Even if we are too unwell to attend a local fireworks display, it does not mean that we have to miss out. We can still enjoy the firework from the comfort of our own homes, which I often do.

Doesn't everything look pretty and magical with fairy lights during the winter months?
Doesn’t everything look pretty and magical with fairy lights during the winter months? – Pinterest

Throughout November and December hangs the air of excitement and wonder as Christmas approaches.  Houses, shops, and town centres illuminated with colourful lights and vibrant decorations which are beautiful and cheery against the dark and dreary winter nights. 

"December hang the air of excitement as Christmas approaches.  Houses, shops, and town centres illuminated with colourful lights and vibrant decorations which are beautiful and cheery against the dark and dreary winter nights."  Share on X

Furthermore, with Christmas also brings a collection of beautiful food, heart-warming and cheerful family films. Television specials, festive events and activities, happy festive music as well as time spent with loved ones exchanging presents.

It is true that Christmas also brings a lot of activities that can deplete the number of limited spoons. Still, in my opinion, it is worth it for the happiness and the formation of happy memories that Christmas brings.

What are your reasons for loving winter?  You can contact me via Twitter using @serenebutterfly or sending me an email at brainlesionandme@gmail.com.  

Or comment below.

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