Thank you so much to Tasha M. from Pain Warrior Code for nominating me for the Mystery Blogger Award! I am so honoured and such an admirer of her blog for the uplifting positivity and inspiration for those battling with chronic pain every day.
What is Mystery Blogger Award?
“This is an award for amazing bloggers with indigenous posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion.” – Okoto Enigma
Rules
Thank whoever nominated you and include a link to their blog
Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
Nominate 10-20 bloggers you feel deserve the award
Answer the questions from the person who nominated you
Ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice with one weird or funny one
Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
3 Things About Myself
I am such a big fan of crime dramas and watch so much of this particular genre! I was especially a huge fan of the British crime drama Wire in the Blood (and inspired by the brilliant Tony Hill novels by Val McDermid) that it was one of the reasons why I wanted to study Psychology at university!
I gained a BSc (2:1) in Psychology and wanted to study further, specialising in Clinical Psychology but unfortunately was unable to because of health problems
My favourite form of ultimate self-care is a trip to a spa. It may not always help ease the persistent symptoms that affect my body, but still, find the peace and tranquillity of a spa incredibly relaxing that it’s hard not to come away feeling better than when you first walked in.
What made you want to start blogging? I wanted an outlet for my frustration that the symptoms caused by my condition affect me, but more than that I also wanted to educate and raise awareness of neurological disorders as well as invisible illnesses in general.
As this award is about blogs that inspire and motivates – do you as a nominee have a mantra, proverb or saying that you live by? I’ve shared this before, but I adore a quote from one of my favourite authors, Louisa May Alcott, “I am not afraid of storms for I’m learning how to sail my ship.” It just reminds me that the hardships that my condition creates only help to deepen the strength and resilience that I will need tomorrow and for any future storms that life with a neurological condition causes to be.
If you had to choose one meal that you had to eat every day for a month (without any health complications), what would it be? Tough one, there are so many meals that I love, even though I may not always feel up to eating, but I am partial to a pizza! My favourite is one topped with mozzarella and basil pesto! Delicious!
What is your favourite hobby/pastime? It has to be reading, as someone living with constant pain as well as other unpleasant symptoms, I love the escapism that reading a novel provides, escaping to other countries, or other times! In my imagination, I can do anything and go anywhere that I choose; freedom that living with illness impedes.
What’s the best/worst practical joke that you’ve played on someone or that was played on you? Genuinely cannot think of anything that has happened to me or tricks that I’ve played on others. Although I am incredibly jumpy and so hate when people jump out unexpectedly!
My questions for my nominees:
If you were stuck on a deserted island but could have any 3 books with you, which books would you pick?
What are your favourite song lyrics? Why?
What TV show are you currently binge-watching, or the last show you binge-watched? Would you recommend it?
If you could travel back in time to any point in history, where you would choose to visit?
Imagine if you had to become a dog, which breed of dog would you be and why?
A few weeks ago I was contacted by a friend about an exciting community project in Cornwall entitled ‘We Are Enough; The Creative Yarn Bomb of Love.’ Its ethos is to raise awareness about mental health; to bring people together to share experiences and encourage self-expression through creativity. All forms of creativity are encouraged such as knitting, crocheting, writing, painting or photography while also spreading positivity and kindness. A project to help people who may lack self-worth to know that we are all good enough just as we are.
The project will culminate in May 2019 to coincide with World Mental Health Day with a massive yarn bombing, whereby spaces across Cornwall, its structures and objects will be transformed, covered with decorative knitted and crocheted material to promote and raise awareness about mental health. You can click here to find out more about the We Are Enough project.
My friend asked if I somehow wanted to get involved in the We Are Enough and I, of course, said yes. It is a brilliant project, and I know so many people who have had experience of not feeling good enough and plagued with self-doubt and suffering low self-esteem as a result. Due to poor manual dexterity due to the Functional Neurological Disorder I suffer from, I am unable to crochet and knit, so I thought instead I would put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and share my own experiences of not feeling good enough…
I suppose I have had the feeling of not being good enough for a long time now; for far too long that I am no longer able to remember exactly when these negative self-beliefs began.
These beliefs became more evident when the symptoms become a more significant part of my life, mainly the dizziness and the problems they caused with being able to handle being in certain places such as buildings with high ceilings, for example. I hated these symptoms and the limitations they placed in my life, being able to enjoy an outing to the cinema became increasingly difficult due to the severity of the dizziness and vertigo. I didn’t hate these symptoms (and later the neurological condition) just because of the limitations, but also how these set me apart from everyone else.
[Tweet “I not only hate the limitations, but also how the symptoms set me apart from everyone else.”]
Standing out from everyone else can be incredibly lonely and isolating…very often leading to feeling not good enough
These symptoms began in early childhood and stayed with me throughout my adolescence and beyond. A time when any differences that set us apart from everyone else are more apparent, especially to those within our peer groups. And unfortunately, these differences can lead to bullying and ostracisation, which is what I frequently experienced throughout my school years, especially during secondary school.
In my experience, it is one thing to think negative and demeaning judgments about yourself, but to hear them from other people only reinforces these beliefs and are once again enforced on this perceptual cycle of not feeling good enough. And every time we are ignored or not given an invitation on the latest night out, or party once again reinforces to ourselves that we are not good enough. And as this perceptual cycle repeats, again and again, it is no longer a belief, but becomes our truth.
[Tweet “Continuously hearing negative judgements about yourself enforces the belief we are not good enough.”]
We can feel defined by our imperfections, whether they may be physical imperfections such as scars, or a perceived character flaw or like me, suffering from a medical condition that makes you different. So much so, that we are unable to recognise the positive attributes that make us stand out, and unique to those who love us unconditionally. In the past, I’ve gone on numerous courses, many of which worked on increasing self-confidence and self-esteem and part of this was to write a list of what we liked about ourselves. Asking other people who are close to me, they could list many things that they liked about me. However, I struggled to come with one single item on the blank piece of paper.
Even now at age 32, those feelings of not being good enough has followed me through those turbulent years of adolescence and into adulthood. At university, much like my school days, I lacked confidence, continually doubting my abilities, never satisfied that my latest essay was ever good enough, or convincing myself that I failed the exam I just came out of, although I never had any evidence to support these assumptions.
In today’s society, we are taught the value of being productive, and as such as someone living with a long-term neurological condition and unable to work once again reinforces this belief that I am not good enough, somehow unworthy of having beautiful things or the opportunity of good things happening to me.
I am imperfect, and the condition that is now a constant part of my daily life is somehow my most significant imperfection. An imperfection that has caused significant cracks, and weakening every part of my life. But, have you heard of the term Kintsugi? Well, kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery. Broken objects, such as pottery are often repaired with gold. These imperfections or flaws are seen as a unique piece of the object’s history and which adds to its beauty.
The Japanese art form known as kintsugi turns brokenness into beauty
Beautiful isn’t it? But why do we not see imperfections and flaws ourselves in the same way – as something as unique and adds to our beauty instead of something to be ashamed of, doing our best to hide them from others. To see something that sets us apart as something to celebrate and be proud. Yes, the symptoms of the neurological condition that I live with may make doing some activities such as going to the cinema as difficult but isn’t it the fact that I have refused to let it stop me from doing certain things that is a sign of my strength and what should be celebrated?
[Tweet “Perfection is a social construct and not a reality; no one is perfect.”]
The fact is that perfection is a social construct and not a reality; no one is perfect. We all have flaws and imperfections whether they may be real or imagined, but what does matter is what we believe about them. We can tend to give these flaws with more power and importance than they warrant, believing that our imperfections somehow makes us less whole. Less worthy. But in truth, we are all good enough just as we are. And our flaws and imperfections are gold-filled cracks that make us unique and adds to our beauty, and not which diminishes our light within.
[Tweet “We believe that our imperfections somehow makes us less whole. Less worthy.”]
After Mum and I enjoyed a spa break for my 30th birthday, we decided that whenever we had time, we would book a spa day for us both. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, we have been unable to enjoy a spa day together for almost a year. But with my impending birthday, we thought that it was time for some much-needed R and R.
Excitement and anticipation soon start after phoning our local spa, for a day pass. The pass includes one of their luxurious treatments and a heap of other benefits. Benefits which include full use of the spa and leisure facilities, two-course lunch buffet and complimentary towel, robe and slippers.
A spa day is a lovely and relaxing treat for anybody, but especially those with a chronic illness
A relaxing spa day is a sublime treat for both myself and the person with whom I’m going. And provides something to look forward to beyond the daily life of managing unpleasant symptoms like chronic pain.
However, not only is a spa day something lovely to look forward to. But as someone living with chronic illness, I have found that I benefit immensely from it.
And I think a spa day would be beneficial for those living with chronic illness; and here are some of the reasons why:
A SPA DAY ALLOWS YOU TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH LOVED ONES
Before my symptoms became disabling, my Mum and I loved nothing better than to travel to Cardiff. To spend the day together for some retail therapy, and perhaps even take the opportunity to eat out.
However, now as my mobility has worsened, my legs so weak that they give way easily and with no warning. These days out together are no longer possible, not only because of the debilitating physical symptoms but also due to energy limitations. I just don’t have the energy to do these type of high-energy activities anymore. Not without paying a hefty price afterwards. Punishments such as a significant increase in the severity of the symptoms I already have to endure.
Like many of us living with chronic illness, it means that I often have to miss out on social gatherings. Something that is one of the most upsetting and frustrating things about living with a long-term health condition. However, a spa day allows you to spend quality time with a friend or loved one. One that is thoroughly relaxing and low-energy, perfect for those of us with chronic illness
SPA DAY: BEING ABLE TO UNWIND, DESTRESS AND INDULGE IN SELF-CARE
Like many others living with chronic illness, the condition and its constant and unrelenting symptoms cause me stress. And never more so when I am experiencing a severe flare, much as I have done recently. By going on a spa day, however, gave me the opportunity to escape the day-to-day stresses of living with chronic illness. Providing an opportunity to unwind and relax. As all of us are aware, stress can often exacerbate our symptoms; by going on a spa day, it allows you the opportunity to focus on you and your needs.
Like osmosis, the calm and relaxing atmosphere of the spa itself seeps into my body making me calm and relaxed despite any pain or discomfort I’m experiencing. Hell, I become so relaxed that I end up catching on any missed sleep in one of the Relaxation Zones. Bliss!
THE TREATMENTS ON OFFER ON A SPA DAY CAN HELP REDUCE CHRONIC PAIN
There are a variety of treatments and massages on offer in spas like the one I frequent. For those who can tolerate touch, as some suffering from allodynia would not benefit from such treatments. One of my favourite treatments is the aromatherapy massage. But a hot stone massage may also be beneficial for those suffering from chronic pain. Research has found that the therapy eases muscle stiffness, increases circulation and metabolism. It also increases blood flow throughout the body as the hot stones help to expand blood vessels.
Furthermore, massages have also been found to release the same ‘feel-good’ endorphins that you get from working out. The release of endorphins acts as a natural pain reliever. The more your body produces these endorphins, the quicker it learns how to release them. Therefore, regular massage therapy helps to stop the buildup of toxic blockages that hinder the flow of oxygen around the body causing pain and inflammation and to also help the body’s response to it.
An aromatherapy massage as well as having the same benefits as listed above is also said to ease headaches, improve sleeping problems, lowers feeling of anxiety and improves mood. The practitioner can tailor the aromatherapy oils depending on you and your symptoms. During a previous massage, peppermint oil was used on my body, including my stomach. I found that this really helped ease nausea I experience as a side effect of the medications that I take.
I also love having a facial, which is just as relaxing as any of the other treatments already mentioned. Afterwards, my skin is glowing making me look healthy and radiant. A natural healthy glow instead of the pale and unhealthy complexion which has become my norm. And when I look good, I also feel good.
THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF THE OTHER FACILITIES ON OFFER
As well as delivering ultimate pampering treatments, most spas also have jacuzzis, saunas, and steam rooms to use during your stay. Jacuzzi’s are excellent for those like myself who suffer from neurological conditions. The warm water decreases joint stiffness, normalises muscle tone, as well as promoting muscle relaxation all helping to relieve pain. I love spending time in the spa’s jacuzzi, and feel relaxed and rejuvenated doing so. And experiencing a reduction in the amount of pain I am experiencing. I find it so beneficial that it’s difficult getting me out of there!
There are plenty of benefits for using jacuzzi’s and steam room, both popular in spa resorts
There are also many benefits of using saunas and steam rooms. Saunas, for example, are great for detox, as sweating is one of the best ways to remove toxins from the body.
Saunas and steam rooms are although not suitable if suffering from heat intolerance which many suffering from neurological conditions do. However, even a few minutes in the steam room or sauna can be beneficial. In addition to detoxing, they may also help to reduce inflammation and pain.
Furthermore, it’s important to reiterate that spending time in hot water and facilities such and saunas and steam rooms can be as good as exercise. Great news for those who find exercise difficult because of their condition. But it is still important to pace yourself especially for those who struggle with fatigue. Also, if you have a high blood pressure than you need to consult a medical professional as it may be unsuitable.
A SPA DAY: NO PRESSURES AND A DAY OF NORMALITY
We all have pressures in our lives whether it comes from work, family, or friends. When living with chronic illness, we may often feel pressure to do things that we might not feel physically able to do, others not understanding why we can’t because we look healthy on the outside. Them not understanding how we can still be in pain, or feel so fatigued.
A significant advantage of a spa day is that there are no pressures from others or any need to places any burden on ourselves to do this or that because we feel we should be doing something than resting and looking ourselves. On these days, there is nothing to do but care for ourselves, listen to our bodies and instead do what we need to for us. A day not continually checking social media, and worrying about what is going on around us. A day just for us.
A DAY IN WHICH THE LIMITATIONS OF CHRONIC ILLNESS DO NOT DEFINE ME
At the spa, I feel completely safe and at ease in the environment, which is not always the case because of my neurological condition. But there, I can take everything at my own pace, even being left alone in one of the relaxation areas while my companion goes to another part to do what they want. It’s, in fact, a spa day is one in which I almost feel ‘normal,’ a day which I am not defined by the limitations of my condition. A day with no ‘I can’t’ and being stopped by the symptoms that I endure because of said condition. All there is to do is lie back, relax and enjoy!
There are just a few of the many reasons why a spa day can benefit for those living with chronic illness. I always come away feeling tired, but still incredibly relaxed, happy and even in less pain.
My local spa has become a ‘happy place’ to me
I definitely feel and enjoy the benefits of a spa day and would recommend it to anyone. Plus, it provides a fun and relaxed day out. One that I can actually enjoy and feel comfortable in my surroundings, and allows me time to spend with Mum away from home. I cannot wait until our next day whenever that will be!
Have you tried a spa day? What did you think?
Let me know in the comment box below or let me know via social media!
Thank you to the lovely Emma, who writes a fantastic blog at Not Just Tired, which raises awareness of ME/CFS and how to live well despite it, for tagging me to take part in #behindtheillness. This lovely exercise aims to share fun facts about yourself and let others know things about you beyond chronic illness.
Here we go!
Four places I’ve lived:
Minden, Germany
Chepstow, South Wales
Fallingbostel, Germany
Pontypridd, South Wales
Four places I’ve worked:
Sales Assistant, Somerfield Stores
Volunteer Resource Centre Worker for Mind
Volunteer Support Worker for those with Special Educational Needs
School Peer Counsellor during Sixth Form
Four favourite hobbies:
Writing my blog
Reading of any description!
Enjoying a relaxing spa day when I can
Going to the theatre
A great memory of going to see Legally Blonde. Such a fun musical and left with a great big smile on my face!
Four things I like to watch:
Films and particularly enjoy a lovely rom-com or something uplifting
Crime dramas – so much choice, I couldn’t possibly choose just one!
Loving binge-watching Arrow at the moment
Soaps – great to watch and unwind during the nights
Four things I love to read:
Anything by Jodi Picoult
Chick-lit for a bit of light reading
Crime novels
Other people’s blogs
Four places I’ve been:
Olden, Norway
Stavanger, Norway
Florida, USA
Cornwall on many a family holiday!
The beauty of Olden
Four things I love to eat:
Lasagna
Roast Dinner (Chicken Roast Dinner in particular)
Chocolate
Chicken Korma – ultimate comfort food!
Four favourite things to drink:
Water
Hot Chocolate
Peppermint Tea
Apple Juice
Nothing more comforting than a mug of delicious Hot Chocolate!
Phew! It was so hard to narrow it down to just four bloggers as there are so many wonderful bloggers that I would love to have also tagged (and more who have already participated!). But for those who have not yet been nominated, feel free to share your answers as I would love to know you all more.
Again, we have just bared witness as tour diaries turned the page over into a brand new year. And as such, we begin to reflect on the previous year and make plans for the next. With the best intentions, people make resolutions only to break them before the end of January.
When living with a chronic illness, however, life becomes unpredictable. Every day we wake up, never knowing how our bodies are going to behave that minute, hour or day. We never know how we are going to feel one minute to the next.
As a result, making resolutions to us seems to be futile. How can we make realistic and achievable resolutions when our lives are so uncertain, and our bodies unreliable? By doing so, are we setting ourselves up for possible failure by making unrealistic expectations?
Last year, therefore, instead of making such demands on my life, which due to my fragile body I may not be able to accomplish, I come up with a ‘theme’ for the year ahead. One word that reflects how I wish to live my life and be a reflection of the type of person I want to become. The chosen word is said to be a compass to help direct us to make smart decisions as well as a guide to the best way to live life day-to-day.
It is now my third year in choosing a word of the year. In 2016 my chosen word was hope, and my word for 2017 was grace.
I had been having a hard time, however, of choosing a word to help direct how I wanted me and my life to become. Inspiration came this morning when the weakness in the legs consumed me and was unable to get out of bed. It is unfortunately not an uncommon experience for me, and such ‘attacks’ have even known to last all day. The strength and function of my legs returned a couple of hours later and was able to get out of bed. Then Eureka, the word came to me – resilience.
Resilience is defined as “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.” It is a quality in which a person rather than letting failure or obstacles defeat them, they find a way to overcome such stumbling blocks and rise from the ashes. When living with a chronic illness, resilience is also about learning to recognise and accept that life with an illness is much like riding a rollercoaster, with many ups and downs. Secondly, it is about learning coping strategies to acquire the strength and ability to take the ride. Then, an action plan can be put in place to help ourselves better cope with the challenges caused by chronic illness.
Some say that resilience is a quality that I possess in great supply. These people see a person who despite everything a neurological condition throws at her, she still manages to get up and get on with life. But, then again I don’t have much choice.
But emotionally when dealing with setbacks and the upheaval of coping when the symptoms are at its worse, then I somewhat of a mess! The negativity and upset that it causes impacts on my internal dialogue, my behaviours and my self-worth, and leaves me feeling depleted and flat. So, resilience is my word for the year as I want to learn to be more conscious of how life with this neurological condition is impacting me and to decide how I want to react.
Emotionally, I want to be able to bounce back quickly after confronting such debilitating symptoms. To not dwell on the negative and instead more productive ways to cope when these do occur.
I am starting my journey to resilience by keeping a ‘joy jar.’
Every day it is going to be my mission to write something that gave me joy, or that something that I managed to accomplish despite the limitations that the neurological condition places on my everyday life. I can look back on these little notes of joy, positivity and encouragement on the awful days and allow myself to remember everything that I able to do instead of focusing on what I cannot or no longer able to do.
Wish me luck on my journey of discovering resilience!
