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Thy Enemy Chronic Pain

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Note: While this post is sponsored by Pathways, all opinions expressed are my own. In addition, I am not a medical professional, but the information within the post has been researched and is from credible sources. Always seek advice from your doctor before undertaking any new treatment.

Chronic pain is no joke. And it’s every day waking up not knowing how you’re going to feel..

– Lady Gaga

Pain – The Bully

If I imagined chronic pain as a person, a nasty and vicious bully immediately springs to mind. Like a bully, chronic pain likes nothing more than to torment and makes it’s victim’s life a living misery. It wants nothing more than to lurk in the shadows, waiting to strike and to make its presence felt.

"If I imagined chronic pain as a person, a nasty and vicious bully immediately springs to mind. It wants nothing more than to lurk in the shadows, waiting to strike and to make its presence felt." Share on X

It’s unpredictable and cruel, making its victim fearful, becoming hypervigilant and waiting with bated breath for the next sudden appearance. Every day is unknown, every day waking up and not knowing if this bully will emerge from the shadows to put a dampener on the day ahead and ruin the jovial mood.

curled up in a foetal position because of pain
Pain makes you fearful and afraid of the day ahead, never knowing when it’s going to make a sudden and unexpected appearance

What once brought joy and excitement no longer induces such happiness. Now only exists constant apprehension of the potential appearance of our bully. We do anything to try and avoid the ‘bully’ and evade potential torment and hurt.

Pain: A Mortal Enemy

When pain becomes constant, however, it not only seemingly becomes our whole life, but it becomes our closest companion. A companion that never leaves our side for even a moment and is with us through it all. It is relentless and all-encompassing. This constant and closest companion is no friend; however, no it has become our mortal enemy.

Due to its never-ending negative effect on our lives, it is so easy to view chronic pain as an enemy; a bully that torments and making life difficult
"When pain becomes constant, it becomes our closest companion. A companion that never leaves our side for even a moment and is with us through it all. It is no friend; however, no it has become our mortal enemy." Share on X

We are all familiar with the phrase, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” The implication being that we should know our enemies well. When chronic pain becomes a constant enemy, however, we have no choice but to keep it close. It is an enemy that exists within us, an extension of our body and one which knows us intimately. Perhaps to ‘overcome’ and deal with our enemy, we need to research and learn about them and how they work. By doing so, can give a greater sense of control and reducing feelings of powerlessness against the enemy. Knowledge is power.

"Perhaps to deal with our enemy, we need to learn more about it…By doing so, can give a greater sense of control and reducing feelings of powerlessness against the enemy. Knowledge is power." Share on X

Learning About Pain

On my quest to quiet the intense pain that has been viciously bullying me, I have been getting to know the mechanics of pain itself. For instance, I have learned that the body’s pain system acts as an internal danger alarm. One that is incredibly useful for acute pain such as a stubbed toe, for instance.

When pain becomes chronic, it is as though the volume on the internal alarm has been turned up; stuck on high-alert. Any perceived threat or danger can cause the warning system to be triggered.

"The body has an internal danger alarm to alert us when pain occurs. When pain becomes chronic, however, it is as though the volume on this alarm is now stuck on high-alert." Share on X
woman holding hands over eyes
Chronic Pain occurs as a result of an overactive pain warning system – an alarm triggered by any perceived threat or danger

Central Sensitisation of Pain: From Acute to Chronic

Research has shown that the experience of chronic pain changes how the nervous system works. When pain lasts more than six months, the brain and nervous system become more adept at creating the sensation of pain.

Through repetition, we become more accomplished at a new skill or habit. The body works in the same way. The more the brain and body practices creating pain, the easier it becomes for it to create the sensation again.

"Through repetition, we become more accomplished at a new skill. The body works in the same way. The more the brain practices creating pain, the easier it becomes for it to create the sensation again." Share on X

As the pain continues, the brain and nervous system become overprotective. Pain becomes self-sustaining; being felt more as a result of your beliefs, thoughts, expectations than the physical condition of the body or injury itself. A process by which the medical community calls Central Sensitisation.

"As the pain continues, the brain and nervous system become overprotective. Pain becomes self-sustaining; being felt more as a result of your thoughts, than the physical condition of the body or injury itself." Share on X

When living with chronic pain, it is easy to come to see our bodies as the enemy; like a bully with the sole aim to torment. But, after learning more, I now realise that it is a system only trying to protect us. Pain is only trying to be our friend, albeit it a very protective one. Our body is working overtime at protecting itself with this overactive pain response.

Pain: Enemy or well-disguised friend?
"When living with chronic pain, it is easy to come to see our bodies as the enemy; like a bully with the sole aim to torment. But the truth is, pain is only trying to be our friend, albeit it a very protective one." Share on X

There are steps that we can take to help our pain system become less protective and thereby lessening the amount of pain experienced. Treatment that can help unlearn these patterns and help the brain reduce the neural pathways that create pain. A process by which is known as neuroplasticity.

Tools To Help ‘Rewire’ The Brain And Reduce Chronic Pain

Mindfulness and Meditation

There has been much research conducted on the benefits of mindfulness and meditation for those living with chronic pain. Evidence suggests that both mindfulness and meditation can help relieve pain by creating structural and functional changes in the brain. Research has shown that several areas of the brain become larger after meditation. Areas which are essential in the body’s fight or flight response.

Further research has also suggested that mindfulness meditation outperforms a placebo in pain reduction. It does so by activating two specific brain regions associated with self-control and deactivating the thalamus. The finding is significant as the thalamus helps determine which sensory information is allowed to reach other brain centres.

Using Food for Healing

According to science, our brain’s use approximately 20 percent of our body’s energy. And energy comes from the food that we eat, and to function well; therefore, we need high-quality nutrients. To help facilitate changes in the functioning of the brain, a diet containing brain-healthy foods is essential. Foods such as walnuts, raw almonds, leafy greens, dark chocolate, and fish high in Omega-3 can help boost brainpower and increase neuroplasticity.

Get Moving

We all know the benefits exercising has on mental and physical health, but it can also help retrain the brain. Research has found that exercising for 30 to 45 minutes, three to four times a week increases oxygen and blood flow to the brain. The increased oxygen and blood flow provide additional energy for the brain, which in turn makes it easy for neuroplastic changes to occur.

Learn Something New

When we learn something new, especially those that utilise both sides of the brain, it stimulates brain growth. Such activities include learning a new language or playing a musical instrument. As the ‘whole brain’ use increases, this capacity spills over into other areas of brain function and makes creating new neural connections and pathways an easier process.

Pathways Pain Relief App

The Pathways Pain Relief App is a terrific digital resource on neuroplasticity. The founder, Sandip Sekhon, a former chronic pain patient himself and who knows all too well the benefit that neuroplasticity can have in relieving chronic pain. It has become the most comprehensive online pain therapy programme available; including over 60 online pain therapy sessions and additional custom sessions depending on your level of pain and condition.

Within the programme, there are five main modules, which include:

  1. Pain Relief Essentials
  2. Supercharge Pain Relief
  3. Deep Stress Relief
  4. Happiness and Gratitude
  5. Mindfulness and Meditation

Within each of the modules listed, are various physical and visualisation exercises, educational materials, and interactive quizzes. Each of the sessions is informative, easy to understand, and easily digestible, even if the pain is making following anything complicated. The app has been well thought out and executed as there are both audio recordings and written transcripts available for each session. And the little quiz at the end is an excellent way of making sure that you have taken in all of the critical information, and more importantly have understood it all.

Overall the app allows you to learn all the information and tools to help get you started on rewiring your brain in a fun and positive way. The app’s jargon-free language makes the process of neuroplasticity much less intimidating.

"The Pathways App allows you to learn the information and tools to help get you started on rewiring your brain in a fun and positive way. The app's jargon-free language makes the process of neuroplasticity much less intimidating." Share on X
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What can fiction teach us about living with chronic illness?
In Chronic Illness

Chronic Illness Life Lessons From Fiction

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Fiction. Whether it be through books, television, or film, it allows us to inhabit a world away from reality. To reside, and experience life through the eyes of fictional characters beyond the existence of the chronic illness.

The ability to escape into fictional worlds away from the grim reality of pain and illness is a welcome relief. However, as this reality is isolating, we often crave for fiction to become a mirror; one that reflects our feelings and experience and the truth of living with chronic illness. To spend time with characters with whom we can relate. Those that make us feel less alone, in a world that makes us feel alone in our struggles.

"We often crave for fiction to become a mirror; one that reflects our feelings and experience and the truth of living with chronic illness." Share on X

Lack of Representation of Chronic Illness in Books and Mainstream Television

The problem, however, is that there is an evident lack of representation of chronic illness in books and mainstream television. The portrayals that do exist do so at the end of two opposing spectrums. Either they paint the very worst-case scenario or a tear-jerking account of triumph over adversity and sugary optimism. There seem to be few realistic depictions of the stark, painful truth of life with a life-long condition. Those living with such afflictions either portrayed as brave and inspiring. Or otherwise painted as being fragile and in need of taking care of by others who are more capable.

"There seem to be few realistic depictions of the stark, painful truth of life with a life-long condition. Those living with such afflictions either portrayed as inspiring. Or they are otherwise painted as being fragile." Share on X

Sadly, there is room for improvement regarding the representation of chronic illness on television. Firstly, there seems to be a distinct lack of characters exhibiting chronic conditions on mainstream television. When there are, however, it does so with little realism of the truth of what living with illness entails. When a television series announces a storyline regarding chronic illness, is met with interest and anticipation. Very often, however, it turns quickly to disappointment. Such storylines hold great promise, at first, successful at raising awareness of the issues portrayed. However, as the storyline ends, there is very little continuation surrounding illness and its impact.

"Storylines featuring chronic illness at first are successful at raising awareness, but often there is very little continuation surrounding illness and its enduring impact." Share on X

Illness Remains Invisible and Ignored in Fiction

Chronic illness remains invisible and ignored in its representation in fiction. In a way implying that those struggling with chronic illness are not tragic enough to be seen or their voices heard. We want content that can guide us, and give us direction on how to live well with chronic illness. We want fictional characters to whom we can look up to and learn how not to be dictated by disease.

"Chronic illness remains invisible and ignored in its representation in fiction. In a way implying that those struggling with such issues are not tragic enough to be seen or their voices heard." Share on X

However, that is not to say that we cannot relate to or find lessons within fiction that do not feature chronic illness. The following are books and television characters that have taught me about how to cope with a neurological disorder.

"These are the books and fictional television characters that, although they do not feature chronic illness, have still taught me about how to cope with living with a neurological disorder." Share on X

What Can Fiction Teach Us About Living With Chronic Illness?

Little Women: We gain strength and resilience from the storms in life

A classic book that has been my favourite reading material since I first read it as a young child. A book that resonates, as the four March sisters navigate their way from childhood to become young women. Each aware of their strengths and weaknesses and make their tumultuous journey toward womanhood to become the best version of themselves.

There is one quote that as someone living with the adversity from illness has continued to resonate.

The lesson of the growth and resilience gained from living through the painful times of living with chronic illness

The quote is apt for someone navigating an uncertain future.  Living with chronic illness, we experience many ups and downs, thrust into flares and severe exacerbations in our symptoms.  This quote reminds me, however, of the growth and resilience gained from the difficult and painful moments in life.  Enduring a flare as distressing and painful as it is, it also helps develop improved coping skills in time for the next one. 

"'Little Women' has taught me the growth and resilience gained from experiencing difficult and painful moments as a result of chronic illness. It's continued presence helping to improve useful coping strategies." Share on X

Les Miserables: There will always be a brighter tomorrow

Most famously, the longest-running musical ever, it is, famously based upon the book written by Victor Hugo.  A story of love, loss, and revolution, the characters struggle to overcome great adversity.  A story in which the characters begin to lose hope due to the struggles they endure. 

The lesson of the hope for a brighter and happier tomorrow despite the darkness and pain of living with chronic illness

When facing continuing battles and worsening symptoms, it is too easy to lose hope.  However, there is one quote that inspires, declaring that tomorrow is a new day and in which holds new beginnings. The quote is a reminder that no matter how hard the struggles we face, there is a chance for a better tomorrow.

"Despite the gloomy tone of 'Les Miserables' it is still one that inspires hope for a brighter and happier tomorrow." Share on X

Harry Potter Series: Hope and positivity can help bring us out of the darkness

Like for many, the Harry Potter series of books became a staple of my adolescence and young adulthood. These books delighted both children and adults alike, comprising many life lessons within its pages.

The lesson that although we cannot control what happens to us, we can choose on how we respond

Living with the difficulties and limitations illness entails, it can so easy to succumb to the darkness; remaining there when we are no longer able to cope with the pain. However, Dumbledore reminds us that we all contain the power to bring ourselves out of the darkness with a spark of hope. Although we cannot always control what happens to us, we can choose how we respond to circumstances beyond our control.

Of course, these books also taught us to believe in magic!

"Harry Potter contains many powerful and profound lessons. As someone living with chronic illness, Dumbledore has taught me that although we cannot control what happens to us, we do have the choice on how we respond." Share on X

Oliver Queen (Arrow): You are stronger than you believe

It can be hard to find anything relatable in characters from comic books, or the ever-popular superhero shows.  Featuring characters who can swing above rooftops, or can fly or travel at the speed of light, makes these fictional worlds unrealistic.  What makes Oliver Queen, or the Green Arrow interesting is that he is one of the few superheroes without any superpowers.  And a common thread in the origin stories of superheroes is that with suffering comes an opportunity to learn and be better. 

As someone living with chronic illness, it can be challenging to relate with such characters. Unlike the repercussion of their crisis, we do not gain superhuman powers or abilities. The gift of the suffering of illness is the awareness that we are stronger and more resilient than we ever believed we could be. Living with the plight of debilitating symptoms, we do not know how strong we are until we have no other choice but to be. Oliver learned this during his own five years in hell. As without inner strength, he would not have survived, and not becoming a hero as a result. 

"Living with the plight of debilitating symptoms, we do not know how strong we are until we have no other choice but to be. Something Oliver Queen learned this during his own five years in hell." Share on X

Temperance Brennan (Bones): Always be unapologetically you

Crime dramas are my favourite genre and continue to be fascinated with the methods used to provide justice for victims.  One of my favourite procedural shows is Bones. ‘Bones’ is the nickname of Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist who examines bones to determine how a person died and by whom.  I found her to be a truly inspiring character, impressed by her brilliance.

In one episode, her partner Booth takes a photograph of her weeping over a dead body thanks to pregnancy hormones.  When Booth dismisses it as normal, she protests in her usual emphatic fashion that “I’m not normal, I’m extraordinary.” 

It’s a beautiful reminder that we should not apologise for who we are. And that we should celebrate everything that makes us the unique individual we are.  For years, I felt ashamed of the person I am; the person illness made me. But, Brennan and all her quirks teach us to celebrate who we are unapologetically.

"For years, I felt ashamed of the person I am; the person illness made me. But, Temperance Brennan and all her quirks teach us to celebrate who we are unapologetically." Share on X

Brennan is aware of her worth and not ashamed to boast of her best qualities and achievements. Maybe we could all take a leaf out of her book!

Jane Doe/Remi/Alice Kruger (Blindspot): We do not have to be defined by what happens to us

When we first meet Jane, she is crawling out of a duffel bag in the middle of Times Square. As she emerges, she is completely naked apart from the intricate tattoos that cover her whole body. Suffering from drug-induced amnesia has taken away Jane’s knowledge of herself and everything she once knew.

When I first watched the pilot episode, I found that I resonated with Jane. When diagnosed with a life-long condition, there are many unknowns and questions to navigate. Just like Jane Doe. Through the course of the series, Jane begins to find herself despite her lack of memories. Jane even becomes a part of the FBI team investigating her and the tattoos that points them towards criminal investigations.

The show reminds us that we do not have to be defined by the significant life-changing experiences that we face. The story is a lesson that we can choose not to be defined by chronic illness. There is much more to us beyond being ill. Something which Jane herself learns when she discovers new abilities which include fluency in several languages and a talent for hand to hand combat. Instead, we can forge our chosen path in life. Just like Jane, we can choose the person we want to be, instead of being determined by illness.

"'Blindspot' reminds us that we do not have to be defined by the significant life-changing experience that we face. It is a lesson that we can choose not to be defined by chronic illness." Share on X

I would love to hear your thoughts; what have you learned from a fictional book or characters?

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Balancing The Scales Between Guilt and Rest

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Sheryl from A Chronic Voice, as well as sharing her own stories and lessons with chronic illness. Sheryl is an excellent support to other bloggers and writers living with illness and chronic pain. One such way is through monthly link-up parties whereby bloggers and writers share their stories through given prompts. This month, I will be discussing the need to rest and the guilt that comes with needing to do so.

Balancing The Need to Rest And The Guilt For Needing To Do So

When living with a chronic illness, we do so in an attempt to balance our own set of balancing scales. And every day, we are faced with choices; choices that will inevitably tip the balance in favour of either ourselves or to the chronic illness itself. Every decision, every activity, every chore, and errand is strategically planned in the endeavor to stave off a flare. And to keep the scales tipped in our favour.

"When living with a chronic illness, we do so in an attempt to balance our own set of scales. Every day, we are faced with choices; choices that will tip the balance in favour of either ourselves or to the chronic illness itself." Share on X

Participating in self-care, and adopting strategic pacing techniques plays an essential part in ensuring the scales remain balanced. The problem, however, that although chronic illness plays a significant role in our lives, it is not the only part. Life does not stop or pause when during a flare; life goes on, and still, we have responsibilities that we need to satiate.

When living with chronic illness we often need to balance the need to rest with the guilt of needing to do so

Justifying Taking The Time For Rest

As such, it can be difficult justifying taking time to rest when there is so much that needs our time and attention. How can we justify the time for rest and recuperation when chores and errands require attention?

Often we feel that the severity of pain and the never-ending presence of other symptoms are enough justification for slowing down. For lounging around and taking it easy while attempting to wrangle and maintain control over seemingly uncontrollable symptoms. But as these quiet and sedentary days stretch on, as well as the current flare, a surge of guilt begins to rise.

"As the quiet and sedentary days stretch on, as well as the current flare, a surge of guilt begins to rise when needing to rest and take things easy." Share on X

Although taking the time for recuperation against the backdrop of a flare is essential to our health and well-being, the overwhelming guilt and recriminations still make it difficult to justify the need to ourselves when there are so many demands for our time and attention.

"The overwhelming guilt and recriminations still make it difficult to justify the need to ourselves when there are so many demands for our time and attention." Share on X

The Starting Symptoms Which Precede A Flare

There is a tendency to push through to complete errands regardless when symptoms start to become out of control. To stubbornly ignore the start of an oncoming flare and do more than our body can handle. But, doing so, however, only worsens these ‘starting‘ symptoms and thus exacerbates the approaching flare.

We should begin starting, to see these increased symptoms as warning signs. And to start to listen to what our body is telling us. To attend and rest or participate in self-care activities when we are in need to do so.

"We should begin starting to see these increased symptoms as warning signs. And to start to listen to what our body is telling us." Share on X

Illness And Pain: A Brutal Teacher

But how do we learn the subtle signals our bodies are telling us? Experience. As C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.” And there is no more a brutal teacher than pain and illness.

Experience: that brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

As much as experiencing a flare is horrendous, each one can teach us about living with chronic illness. The experience of each flare enables us to analyse the symptoms and sensations that precede an attack allows us to learn when we need to stop and rest. And as such, when resting when needed, we can learn to lessen the impact of future exacerbations.

"The experience of each flare enables us to analyse the symptoms and sensations that precede an attack allows us to learn when we need to stop and rest." Share on X

It is not only the analysis of the signs and symptoms preceding an upcoming flare that can be useful. It can also be helpful analysing those behaviours and actions that help minimise the destructive impact they cause. For instance, having a relaxing, warm bath may help alleviate pain. Or watching a favourite film or TV show can help distract from the extremely bothersome symptoms that plague everyday life.

Analysing Pain and Symptoms And Concluding On How To Deal

Whatever it may be, by analysing the results of self-care behaviours, we can then determine what and what does not help when we are in a flare. Concluding, everything which does and does not help in reducing pain or the impact of other symptoms makes coping with such intense and debilitating flares more manageable. Furthermore, interpreting the signs and symptoms that precede a flare, we can use these to know when to rest in the future. It may not help stop a worsening, however, but doing so could help minimise the impact it would otherwise have had.

curled up in a foetal position because of pain
"Interpreting the signs and symptoms that precede a flare, we can use these to know when to rest in the future." Share on X

Experience and the ongoing analysis of the accompanying symptoms of chronic illness can also help us conclude when something is not right. After living with constant illness for so long, we become somewhat intimate with our body, and know when something more is going on and need medical intervention.

Planning On Moving Forward; Planning For Future Flares

And when we know that which helps us cope, both physically and emotional we can plan for the next flare. Planning enables us to prepare suitable contingency plans for when in need of rest and recuperation for our physical and emotional well-being. And it also allows the opportunity for planning a flare kit. A flare kit is one in which contains the essentials that help calm and please. Comforting items that help you to cope during a time of suffering.

"Planning enables us to prepare suitable contingency plans for when in need of rest and recuperation for our physical and emotional well-being." Share on X

After experiencing numerous flares over the years, I have learned the importance of planning rest. And planning for the next eventual flare. Because the only certainty when living with a chronic illness is that there will be another.

"I have learned the importance of planning rest and planning for the next eventual flare. Because the only certainty when living with a chronic illness is that there will be another." Share on X

And we must also learn to let go of the guilt when in need of resting. Chores and errands can always wait, but looking after our health and well-being should always be our priority.

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‘A Day in the Life’ With FND

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This blog post is part of A Chronic Voice’s ‘A Day in the Life’ Linkup. I am answering the questions provided to share a day in my life as someone living with Functional Neurological Disorder.

In brief, illnesses and/or disabilities I have:

I live with a neurological disorder known as Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). A common neurological disorder by all accounts, but one which few people have even heard of the condition.

A disorder such as FND has a profound effect on daily life. It can affect mobility, daily activity levels, sleep patterns and so much more.

There are no structural abnormalities present in the brain of the individual with FND. The problem lies with the functioning of the nervous system and how the brain and body send and receives messages.

It is a disorder that has a profound effect on my daily life. It affects my mobility, daily activity levels, sleep patterns, and so much more.

"FND has a profound effect on my daily life. It affects my mobility, daily activity levels, sleep patterns, and so much more." Share on X

Where do you come from? How accessible is your city/town?

My life with FND occurs in a village in South Wales. Many of the amenities that exist and the nearest bus stop are more than a mile from where I live. As a result, and due to the mobility problems that occur, I spend most of my time at home. I have to rely on other people to be able to leave the house due to the severity of my symptoms.

Even if a bus stop was closer to my home, due to the seriousness of trembling in the legs, I am not able to stand for long. Therefore public transport is not accessible to me. The accessibility of where I live for me and my condition is minimal.

My first thought and/or sensation when I become conscious in the morning:

Upon waking in the mornings, every morning, I am met with the sensation of trembling in the legs. The severity of this sensation may not be the same every day, but it is always present; perhaps one of the only certainty of living with this condition. Before I attempt to get out of bed, I also take the time for a quick body scan. A scan to scope any odd sensation or gauge the level of pain I am experiencing at that moment in time. As well as noting the likelihood that the dizziness or any one of the other numerous symptoms I experience is going to be problematic for the day ahead.

"The severity of the trembling in the legs may not be the same every day, but it is always present; perhaps one of the only certainty of living with this condition." Share on X
FND can often cause my mornings to be a nonstarter; legs buckle and give way from under me with nothing more to do than return to bed until the strength and functioning returns.

As I gently pull myself out of bed, more often than not, my legs immediately give out. I end up in a heap on the fall, sometimes ending up with bruises and scrapes as a result. All there is to do is haul me back into bed and wait until the strength in my legs returns.

How long it takes for me to go from zero to functioning, if at all:

Every day is different. The length of time to go from zero to functioning varies from day to day. Generally, it takes anything from half an hour to two hours before I can get out of bed, and ready to tackle the day.

"Every day is different. The length of time to go from zero to functioning varies from day to day." Share on X

What my morning routine is like in general:

My immediate morning routine consists of taking the prescribed medications to help control the crippling symptoms with juice or a glass of cold, ice water.

The morning process of having a shower and getting dressed takes some time because of the crushing pain and fatigue that exists. As well, of course as the constant trembling and shaking in the legs. A shower stool is a necessity when having a shower, therefore, and rest is a necessity before being able to get dressed.

Best and worst times of the day in terms of pain, fatigue, etc:

Mornings, therefore are the worst times of the day in terms of pain and fatigue. The lack of physical movement and any pain medication during the night, making the muscles feel weak and lethargic. Nights aren’t any better either, however, as the busyness of the day and the physical activity takes its toll. It often causes debilitating pain and weakness, particularly in the legs, making sleep difficult to encounter. As a result of not getting restorative sleep the night before, fatigue is once again present the next day. The cycle continues.

curled up in a foetal position because of pain
Both the mornings and nights are tough when living with chronic pain

The late morning and early afternoons are then the best times of day, and although pain is always present, the decrease in fatigue means that I am able to get the most done.

What I consider a daily self-care must do:

I consider taking the time for a nice, hot shower a daily self-care must do. It allows me to ‘wash away’ yesterday’s troubles out of my system and preparing me for the day ahead. The time also allows for some pampering by using luxurious products which help me to look and feel good. It is important to look after mental health just as much as the physical side when living with chronic illness.

"A hot shower a daily self-care must do. It allows me to 'wash away' yesterday's troubles out of my system and preparing me for the day ahead." Share on X

The household chore I have the most trouble with:

While my parents are at work, I do the household chores that I can still do and does not use too much of the limited energy I have budgeted for the entire day. Ironing is the household chore I have the most trouble with due to the length of time required to stand. Doing so takes a considerable amount of energy; as I stand, I can feel the force and strength of the trembling inside my legs. On some occasions, my legs have given way in the middle of ironing.

A task I wish I had more help with:

If there was a task that I could have help with then I would choose ironing as it can be dangerous with unpredictable legs like mine. Or a cleaner to help around the house would be great too.

The part of the day I like best:

My favourite time of the day is between 2.00 and 3.00 in the afternoon after my Mum returns home from work. It’s a lovely time of the day where we can catch up with each other’s goings-on. It also allows time to catch up on missed programmes, which as a TV addict I very much enjoy.

What’s breakfast, lunch and dinner typically like:

How do I manage when it comes to food and life with FND? Due to the overwhelming pain and nausea that accompanies it in the morning, it means that I rarely eat breakfast. If I do, then it is something light such as toast with a little peanut butter. Or on the days, where my legs are really bad and I am hungry than I grab a breakfast bar.

Due to nausea I don’t often have anything for breakfast but if I do I like something light such as peanut butter on toast

Lunchtimes are often problematic, as my legs can be bad after completing chores, so I often have whatever my parents have bought or made for me from the fridge.

A kitchen can be a dangerous place when living with sudden and unexpected falls. For this, I am lucky that I am still able to live with my parents, and Mum is often in charge of the cooking. If I do any cooking, I need a perching stool and supervision.

How do I unwind for the evening?

In the evenings I usually unwind by watching my favourite TV programmes. Or if there is nothing worth watching a film that we haven’t had a chance to see yet. Failing that and when I am spending time on my own, I like to unwind by catching up with social media and reading blogs and other health articles which I schedule to share on my social media channels.

Watching TV or a film is my favourite way to unwind during the night and helping to relax before bed

I have recently begun to implement a strict routine for the nights in order to help me sleep better at night. I keep to a strict skincare regime, take my medication and read the latest book I have on the go before switching the light off.

Are you are able to do any exercise? If so, what do you enjoy and does it help with managing your pain?

Recently chronic pain has become a real problem for me, and as such exercising hasn’t been something, I’ve been able to do. I did use to regularly attend a gym, which had toning chairs and beds, and a recumbent bike which I loved to use. Unfortunately, it has since closed. But I am soon hoping to start using a pilates machine with a rebounder that we have in the house to improve my fitness and stamina.

Things that help me de-stress in my every day life:

To de-stress in my everyday life, I like to read, listen to music, especially uplifting, happy songs, and to create such playlists can be a joyful past time in itself. I also enjoy puzzles, especially code words, and have a book of them on my bedside table. They are a great distraction from the crippling pain that invades my body.

People I see most often and my favourite activities to do with them:

The people I see most often are my parents with whom I live, and my carer who is employed to take me out twice a week. With limited mobility, I love to visit coffee shops and enjoy time away from the house. On bad days, I do so with a book to distract me from the crippling pain. Or visiting garden centres and enjoying being surrounded by nature and beautiful flowers.

It is also lovely just to be able to chill out at home, doing what we love to do on our own. Or, spending time together watching TV shows that we all enjoy, or a film that we all can agree on.

If you got ‘normal people sick’, how much impact does that have on top of things?

I am lucky that I do not suffer from ‘normal people’ sickness that often, and I find it as more of a hindrance than anything. It causes extra fatigue on the fatigue that already exists, which make any functioning at all very difficult. It also takes me longer to recover from being sick than it would normally.

If I could leap out of bed pain free for ONE day within my current environment and circumstances, I would…

If miraculously I could leap out of bed pain-free for one day, I would take advantage to see how it would feel to live a ‘normal’ life. A packed and productive day of activities to sample what life would be like if not limited by pain and illness.

Having a pain free day would certainly be cause for celebration and jumping for joy! How would you spend such a day?

I would also love to go window shopping in one of my favourite places without the worry of legs giving out or a pain flare. And then to end this miracle of a day, a celebratory dinner at a favoured restaurant. Eating out is something that I love, but due to the restraints of chronic illness, isn’t something I can always do.

Is there anything else you’d like to share about daily living with chronic illness/disability?

Many people assume that every day is the same when living with pain and illness. That our abilities and limitations are stable, remaining the same day in and day out. However, pain and other symptoms that accompany chronic illness fluctuate.

Some days I may only experience one or two symptoms of FND. On other days I may complete the whole set. Life with FND or any chronic illness is like opening a box of chocolates every day; you never know what you are going to get or what is in store for the day. It’s an unpredictable and uncertain life.

Life with FND or any chronic illness is like having a box of chocolates every single day; you are never going to know what you are going to get!
"Life with FND or any chronic illness is like opening a box of chocolates every day; you never know what you are going to get or what is in store for the day." Share on X
A Day In The Life With FND
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Cover for Post Book Review of 'Please Read This Leaflet Carefully'
In Chronic Illness

Review: ‘Please Read This Leaflet Carefully’

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I don’t usually write book reviews, but after reading the brilliant ‘Please Read This Leaflet Carefully’, it was one I had to tell everyone about.

Books As A Reflection of Our Own Lives

Those who love to read do so for a variety of different reasons. Some open the book and devour the words on the pages for escapism. To escape from personal problems, or pain and disappear into a different world. Others enjoy for the sheer enjoyment of exploring new and varied landscapes or experiencing new adventures.

coffee and reading a book - a favourite past time of mine
Sitting in a coffee shop with a hot drink while devouring the latest must-read book happens to be one of my favourite past times when out and about

Sometimes, however, we often want to open a book and find it to be a mirror; one that reflects our feelings and experiences; to make us feel a little less alone. A book that as we turn the pages, they make us nod and mumble affirmative acknowledgments of the truths that lay before us.

A Lack of Books About What It Is To Live With Pain and Illness

As someone living with a neurological disorder, experiencing chronic pain, there is a lack of books that accurately reflects this. Disappointedly books that deal with such issues generally share information to understand better the diagnose. Filled with scary and complicated medical terminology and alarming statistics regarding the very worse case scenarios.

Other books, however, are on the other side of the spectrum, full of sugary optimism, which promises a cure with a positive mental attitude. It is very little in the way of a happy medium between the two. And very few novels depicting characters living with a chronic illness or chronic pain in which is both realistic and hopeful.

Thoughts on ‘Read This Leaflet Carefully’

Reading the original and thought-provoking novel ‘Please Read This Leaflet Carefully,‘ therefore, was like a breath of fresh air. It tells the story of Laura Fjellstad, living in New York, in her thirties, and coming to terms with being a newly single mother to her young daughter. As well as this, she is also trying to come to terms with a body wracked by chronic pain. Pain caused by severe endometriosis that has left her internal organs scarred and fused. So severe that Laura needs extensive surgery to try and mediate the effects of the condition. I don’t suffer from endometriosis, like the central character, but the grief and limitations of living with chronic pain, however, felt all too familiar and personal as I devoured each page.

Although Laura, is the main protagonist it feels that pain, however, takes centre stage, becoming the main focus in the life of the main character which as those living with chronic pain will relate as it too can often feel that it happens in our own life.

“She knows that I still have to ration my energy and be careful about everything and still, regardless of what I do, pain still claims a certain percentage of my life.”

A Book That Accurately Describes The Impact and Scope of Chronic Pain

What makes this book, feel fresh and original than anything else out there is the reverse chronology from present day to childhood. This storytelling device makes the novel that more heart-rendering, highlighting the devastating impact and scope that chronic pain has on those who endure it. By also, showing moments in her life where she is “better”, or prior to a diagnosis, it shows that pain and illness are still influencing her life.

As the book jumps back in times, it does so to describe the other significant moments in Laura’s life, through her eyes. Moments including first moving to New York and meeting her husband; her past relationships (with both men and women). And the diagnosis and medical problems that have ramifications for the course of her entire life. It then transports us back to her childhood and her love of figure skating, which provides her with the freedom she deeply craves but is stopped by the limitations of pain and illness.

Expressive and Beautiful Writing That Jumps Off The Page

I love the beautiful and vivid descriptions of different moves, jumps, and spins from figure skating, interspersed throughout the book. These descriptions are so expressive; the graphic images jump off the page as they if performed in front of your eyes.

“I hadn’t done anything with my body in years; it didn’t even feel like it belonged to me. It was something I’d been saddled with; uncooperative, painful, stiff, and embarrassingly weak.”

curled up in a foetal position because of pain
‘Please Read This Leaflet Carefully’ brilliantly describes the grief, loneliness and isolation of living with chronic pain with such clarity

Those living with such conditions will know that the effects of chronic pain go beyond the person living with it. Pain and illness have an impact on everyone in the family, as well as close friends. The need to be able to be open about the pain and other symptoms, but others being uncomfortable to listen to the intimate problems with our bodies. These heart-rendering portrayal of the invisibility and powerlessness felt all too familiar. It will sadly resonate with many who suffers or has suffered from a chronic condition.

“It’s crystal clear to me that no one wants to hear about it,” she thinks. “But I will never finish needing to tell how much it hurt, how much it hurts, how bad it is.”

A Book That Is Not Just About Suffering; But About Finding Meaning and Experiencing Life Within It

Despite this, however, the book is neither bleak or dark. Yes, it is a powerful and intimate account of what it is truly meant to live with pain. That despite our attempts to break from the limitations of pain and illness, often they are. But, the book is not just about suffering; it is about finding and experiencing life within it. It is about the drive and ambition that we still have, even when our bodies begin to deteriorate before us.

The author Karen Havelin writes with profound clarity, truth and often humour regarding the frustration, and grief of attempting to navigate a world which is often obstinately not built for her. But, which Laura against all the odds finds despite adversity and overwhelming obstacles. It is ultimately a story of hope and finding things that you once believed to be out of reach, only when we are brave enough to try.

Final Thoughts

As I read and devoured each page with ease due to the eloquent words before me, I underlined many passages which rang with such accuracy when regarding my own experiences with pain and illness. It is a story with tremendous insight that made me feel a little less alone, and ultimately isn’t that we all crave?

Finally, a book that I am able to read and resonate with; one that encapsulates what is to live with pain with pure eloquence. A book that we can give to others when they cannot understand what it is we go through every day. ” I can’t imagine what it is to live with such pain” someone will say. In response, we can hand them this gem of a book, and say “Read this, then you may better understand.”

In the UK, Please Read This Leaflet Carefully is published by Dead Ink Books and is available from the leading book retailers.

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