Sheryl from A Chronic Voice, as well as sharing her own stories and lessons with chronic illness. Sheryl is an excellent support to other bloggers and writers living with illness and chronic pain. One such way is through monthly link-up parties whereby bloggers and writers share their stories through given prompts. For January 2020, I will use the prompts to discuss the promise of a new year and new beginnings from the perspective of being still sick.
As I sit here, only a couple of hours before the beginning of 2020; a brand new year, hell, even a brand I am reflecting on the concept of New Years and new beginnings.
Purging The Old, To Make Way With The New
Often, the celebration of New Years and the promise of such beginnings encourages a purge.
The start of new beginnings, for many, requires a purging. A purging of the rubbish lying in our drawers, useless possessions we don’t need, or the negative thoughts or bad habits in our lives.
"The start of new beginnings, for many, requires a purging. A purging of the rubbish lying in our drawers, useless possessions we don't need, or the negative thoughts or bad habits in our lives." Share on XWhen living with chronic illness, we do so wish that we could purge this particular set of baggage. And why wouldn’t we? The impact of both chronic illness and chronic pain is significant. They dictate and control every aspect of our lives. Illness controls how we feel to what the day ahead of us will resemble, and so much more besides.
"The impact of both chronic illness and chronic pain is significant. They dictate and control every aspect of our lives." Share on XWhen I look back to my life during 2019, I am unable to find accomplishments or stand out moments. There are no moments that I am proud of, and if asked, I would be hard-pressed to find a highlight of the year. This year has had, unfortunately, a lot more downs than ups.
On reflection, this year has seen further deteriorations in the symptoms that accompany life with FND. The year has seen an increase in the number of falls and its ensuing bruises. And more incidents of being left embarrassed after my legs have given way which has left me lying in a heap on the fall.
So yes, if I could purge the afflictions created by FND and the effects of chronic pain, then I would do so in a heartbeat. To be able to wipe the slate clean, and start an entirely brand new book as we embark on a brand new year.
Seized By Fear Anxiety and Loss of Confidence Because of Chronic Illness
I wish I could grab the opportunities and excitement that presents itself at the beginning of this brand new year. However, recently life has been seized by fear, anxiety and loss of confidence. All are culminating from an increase in the severity of the symptoms due to FND. The loss of confidence has been quite profound during recent weeks and months, as the realisation of the unpredictability of my body has become more pronounced.
"Often when living with the effects of chronic illness and its debilitating symptoms, we can be seized by fear, anxiety and a loss of confidence." Share on X
Leaving the house to even go to the most familiar places start to provoke fear and dread; never knowing when your body next is going to fail you – the worry of falling or becoming non-functional when alone, or in an unfamiliar environment.
It’s a hard and miserable way to live. It slowly becomes a life of existing and surviving rather than living. And it’s not a direction I want my life to continue.
New Year, New Perspective?
Amid a new year, and of new beginnings also provides the opportunity for opening the mind to new ways of thinking.
To make a change, I need to change the mantra ‘new year, new me’ to ‘new year, new perspective.’
Yes, last year was complicated and full of challenges and setbacks, but I survived. It may not have always seemed like it, but I got through it.
"Yes, last year was complicated and full of challenges and setbacks, but we survived. It may not have always seemed like it, but we got through it." Share on XAnd to appreciate and celebrate those little achievements in the face of such challenges and setbacks. To regard these small accomplishments as small steps toward achieving bigger goals.
When living with a chronic illness and its accompanying limitations, you need to learn to live one day at a time. Often, one step at a time, often extremely tentatively as we wait for the moment our bodies will fail.
"When living with a chronic illness and its accompanying limitations, you need to learn to live one day at a time. Often, one step at a time." Share on XInstead of looking ahead to the next goal, or the next step, there is a need to be present. To learn to enjoy each moment, even among those quiet and banal moments in each day.
To start anew and revamp my mindset, I need to recognise and acknowledge the limitations that are a part of life with chronic illness. And the awareness that the illness may stop me from doing the things that I want in this life. The knowledge that I will experience the frustration, anxiety, anger and fear that comes from living with FND.
But I don’t have to let these limitations drive the next year, the next decade or the rest of my life. I can decide to do the things that I want, but doing it differently to accommodate the limitations imposed by FND.
"We can acknowledge the limitations caused by chronic illness, but it doesn't mean that we have to let them drive the next year. We can do the things we want, but just differently." Share on XEnvisioning The Possibilities
When living with chronic illness, it is accompanied by the many limitations that follow. But that doesn’t mean we have to stop making room for the possibilities of the future. Instead, we need to envision the possibility that just because chronic illness is a constant presence in our lives, it does not mean that our best days are behind us.
"To survive and thrive, we need to envision the possibility that just because chronic illness is a constant presence in our lives, it does not mean that our best days are behind us." Share on X
And so to survive life with a chronic illness, envisioning hope, and the possibility of pleasant surprises ahead is critical.
Here’s to a fresh new year, and a new decade.
Here is hoping that 2020 is kinder to us all.
13 Comments
You’ve used these prompts brilliantly, Rhiann, and this post is so relatable. I love that you’ve talked about the ‘revamp’ of your mindset and perspective because I do thing that can be hugely powerful, but as you say, you still need that awareness of the reality, of the limitations. It’s a hard balance to get ‘right’, and none of it is easy with moving in to a new year (harder still if you look at magazines, social media, all the junk about having an amazing new year with the new you!)
Fab post lovely. Whatever is in store for you, I hope it can be a brighter 2020 (wishful thinking eh!) ♥
Caz xxxx
Happy New Year Caz!
And thank you so much for your lovely words (again for the thousandth time!). I am glad that it resonated and has a good response, as I admit that I had some trouble writing it, especially with the last year being so challenging and the fear of looking to the future and only being able to see anything but being in pain and disabled by the other accompanying symptoms of life with a chronic illness.
Wishing you nothing but amazing things for the year ahead lovely, and thanks again for all your support
Rhiann x
Lovely post Rhiann. I’m so sorry 2019 was so difficult. Are there any blogging highlights for you?
I’m always very aware that though i strive for improvement in my health (stating the obvious !), my body may well not listen and while thinking positively is good in some ways, being realistic in acceptance has it’s place too.
I hope you get glimpses of something other than pain this year
Hey Naomi, thank you so much for taking the time to comment and thank you so much for your kind words. A blogging highlight would be managing to write 22 posts despite the many times I’ve been incredibly sick, and of course, reading so many positive and beautiful comments on the blog, and whenever someone has said they’ve cried at my words or that it’s really helped them in some way. I still can’t believe I receive such comments! I wish you all the best and hope there are many pain-free days ahead for you xx
I can sure relate to what you said about fear and dread. I, too, live with the dread of when my body will next fail me. It failed me over Christmas break, as my pain got worse than ever (with my sciatica). All of this failing sure makes me feel guilty for throwing a wrench in the family plans. But, it is what it is. We live through it.
Hello Lisa, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I am so sorry that your health got in the way of your Christmas, I hate it when that happens, and although my pain was bad I do have a habit in carefully masking it so not to ruin the day for others. But as you eloquently put it, we live through it. I do hope that the pain has settled somewhat and wish you all the best for 2020. Rhiann x
So happy to have you as always, Rhiann. You’ve been an excellent source of insight for the monthly linkups! 🙂 And I couldn’t agree more – perspective truly is everything. Let’s hope 2020 is full of good possibilities, some actions and lots of excellent perspectives. Sending love! xxx
I totally get how it can be much less exciting planning exciting things for the coming year when you never know how well (or not) you are going to be. But you are so right in not letting your limitations stop you, you have to live one day at a time. Here’s hoping you have lots of good days.
Thank you! x
Here’s to hope and wonderful surprises. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to know others are facing struggles and are not giving up.
This is a lovely, inspiring post, Rhiann, thank you for sharing. Last year was not the best for me and my family, and some of the baggage continues now. I am optimistic that we should have a better year, whatever that means. Yes, I spent a chunk of time on Christmas Day plucking out ingrowing eyelashes to try and stop the pain, but it was still a nice day… We carry on, and we keep smiling 🙂
“One day and moment at a time” This is something that I need to remind myself of often, especially when recovering from a flare or injury. Wishing you a New Year filled with cherishable moments.
Loved this post Rhiann so spot on that “When living with chronic illness, we do so wish that we could purge this particular set of baggage.” I can really relate to the fear that arises before you undertake an activity outside only to be struck down by our illness. Your envisioning and working on your mindset reminded me to assess my small achievements with compassion this year. Thank you for sharing such an insightful post. Xx