HAWMC Day 10: Dear 16-year-old-me

Hello everyone, hope you are all doing well.  Well, time for a brand new post for the HAWMC Challenge by WEGO Health.  Today’s prompt reads as the following:

Dear 16 year-old-me…Write a letter to yourself at age 16.  What would you tell yourself? What would you make your younger self aware of?

It sounds so easy, but think it has been a real challenge even though it was only 10 years ago since I was 16.  I remember at the time it was a very painful and difficult time in my life, so the letter that I have written is very personal and isn’t easy to write, especially dredging up the emotions and feelings that I was feeling at the time…

Image: http://reshapecoach.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/write-a-letter-to-yourself/

Dear Rhiann,

It’s hard to believe but this letter is from ten years from now, the year is 2012, and the future you is writing this.  I know you are going through a very painful and difficult time in your life, having formally been diagnosed with depression, and having to start taking antidepressants a couple of days before your sweet sixteen.  Writing this, I remember how sick they made me feel for the first couple of weeks, only being able to eat very little before I felt full.  I also remember the incredible loneliness I felt back then, especially during school time having no friends and walking around in a daze, trying to pass the time until lessons started back after lunch.

But I want to reassure and to let you know that all these problems are ‘not just in your head and you are not crazy or a ‘freak’.  I am not able to say what is wrong, but the dizziness that you experience, you are not imagining it.  I know you feel that there is something wrong, the doctors telling you constantly it is anxiety related.  And you timid and compliant, are too afraid to tell them otherwise, thinking that they are the professionals, “so must know what they are talking about”, making you doubt yourself that the symptoms you are exhibiting are even real or they are not as real as you imagine.

But, remember doctors do not know everything.  As tests are coming back normal, and cannot find a cause for the dizziness, the doctors then explain it away by claiming that it is all psychological.  But it isn’t…Please do not give up and lose hope that they will never find out a cause, they do!   It may take several more years, but you do find out….

I cannot say it isn’t going to be easy, or that it’s going to get better and you are going to live a full and normal life, but I believe that you are stronger than you think you are…and you can handle a lot more than you think you can…

And the loneliness you feel – it will go away, you are going to find people who will accept you for who you are, friends that are going to support you in times of need.  I remember at sixteen being teased and ridiculed for who you – just remember that no-one has a right to make you feel that you need to apologise for who you are.  Don’t be ashamed to be yourself…

And just wanted to say – the heaviness and stiffness that you feel in your legs?  The feelings that have been with you, since you can remember?  Well, these feelings, they aren’t normal and isn’t something that everyone experiences…Maybe mention this at your next doctor’s appointment.

And good luck for your GCSE exams in a couple of months – not that you need it, you are going to do great.  Next stop will be your A-Levels, and then who know maybe even to University 😉

Take Care and remember to persevere with the doctors – never stop searching for an answer, and never let them tell you that’s all in your head.

From yourself (at aged 26)