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Chronic Illness

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Hey Everyone

Some of you may know that I am involved with a new project called Neuro Nula. This site is a new online community for those with neurological conditions, their carers and families and its aim is to bring patients and their families together to share their stories, experiences, advice and most of all their support to help others and to make new and lasting friendships.

The site will include stories of patients with a variety of neurological conditions, as well as safe and moderated forums to chat with others and get advice and support as well as signposts for a variety of UK neurological organisations that can provide further advice and support.

I am honoured to have been asked to share my own personal story, which I have written and will be added to the site when it is up and running.

The site is hoping to be fully up and running by mid October and are looking for other people with neurological conditions to share their story as well as finding out about local neurological organisations that are in your area. So if you have any knowledge of such organisations or would like to share your story to help others then please get in touch with the team at their email address:

NeuroNula@live.com

As most of you know, that due to the unknown cause of my neurological condition is starting to get me down.  It is frustrating and disheartening when the doctors are unable to give you the answers that you so desperately crave.  It is simple – being undiagnosed is dejecting and can causes psychological symptoms such as depression.  All we crave is a diagnosis – a name for the cause of all that we go through on a daily basis.  A name that confirms that we are not crazy or that the symptoms are all in our head.

Due to the weakness in my legs as well as the severe dizziness and fatigue that I experience due to my undiagnosed condition, I am often unable to get out of my bed and so confined to my bed for days at a time.  Staring at the same four walls of my bedroom; a place where I spend a lot of my time anyway is not a positive experience.  It is often a painful reminder of my predicament; a predicament that I am an undiagnosed chronically ill patient.  Being confined to my bed, leads to feeling of loneliness and isolation – how many times when experiencing severe symptoms have thought you were the only person to be going through this experience?  Is that a yes I hear?  Me too.

However, Voltaire once stated “I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health”.  A truly inspirational quote, and one that is supported by research – there is a lot of evidence that suggests that being positive makes you feel less stressed; has a positive influence on your immune system and has a huge influence on your overall well-being.

But how can we still remain positive when living with a chronic illness, which has such a negative influence on all areas of our lives?

Well, for me I have started to assemble a ‘positivity board’.  A board with cards, postcards, or letters that are both positive and in turn makes me feel more positive and happy despite being bed-bound or dealing with unpleasant.

The board is no way finished but at the moment includes a couple of cards that I found in a local art gallery that includes positive quotes, for example “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but the number of moments that take our breath away” and my personal favourite “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain.”  Also, on my board is a gorgeous card that was sent to me by a dear friend which has some really lovely words both outside and inside the card which I shall treasure and which brightened my day when I received it – a time when I really needed it.

I also found a couple of butterfly clips which I found in a local shop which I bought just to brighten the board and because of my love of butterflies.

Try making a board for yourself and fill it with all the things that make you happy or makes you feel a little more positive despite whatever circumstances that you often find it hard to cope with, or one which has a negative impact on your life.

Stay Calm…and make a positivity board!

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If you come across any cards that has any positive quotes or perhaps with a lovely picture of a butterfly or sunflower or anything else positive, let me know in the comments section and help fill my positivity board!

 

Thanks everyone! xx

Well, this busy week finally saw the Neurologist appointment that both my parents and I have been waiting for. The appointment lasted for over two hours, and to be honest asked more questions than it really answered!

I was examined by both the registrar and the consultant neurologist and both looked flummoxed by the legs spasms occurring during the examination as well as being confused by the dizziness and vertigo that occurs on a daily basis – really not sure where that particular symptom fits in with the overall picture.  My case has always perplexed, even the top consultants in their field.  I am the patient, that really should feature in an episode of the medical programme ‘House’, due to its puzzling symptoms.  Unlike the first neurologist I seen, however, the consultant disagrees that the whatever is wrong is something that happened at birth!  It’s strange isn’t it, that you can visit two very competent and highly skilled doctors, but both come to entirely different explanations for why the symptoms are occurring.  For the patient, it can be very confusing, however, as we are clueless to which of the two differing explanations are the correct one, or even whether both could be incorrect.

Although, happy to report that the new neurologist is more proactive than any other doctors I have seen, and what’s even more, even told me that he knows that I am not making it up and I am not going mad; he knows that something is wrong and he wants to find the cause of all the problems I am experiencing.  Hallelujah!  This is exactly what every chronically ill patient wants to hear.  We want to be believed by the doctors; and one who cares and wants to help, and treat us when we become ill.  This now means that I am being referred to radiology for another MRI, and am also being referred to a specialist balance and dizziness centre that can hopefully help me to cope with the dizziness and vertigo that has affected me for so long.

As well as the referral and new tests being conducted, I had 8 vials of blood taken from me, yes 8!  One of the new theories is a possible genetic condition as a cause for the problems with mobility.  The doctor is also testing for lupus, and other explanations is a possible type of cerebral palsy, or possibly dopa-responsive dystonia.

So, looks like a new detective hunt has begun on the cause for the symptoms…

 

 

 

 

This post is for the ‘Patients for a Moment Blog Carnival’ hosted by Leslie at ‘Getting Closer to Myself‘.

This month’s theme is Social Media and illness, with which there are two parts!  The first part is to describe our illness using just 140 characters; just as if we were using Twitter to do so.  This could just be one statement characterising the illness experience, or a series of statements of 140 characters.

The second part of the challenge asks us to describe how social media has personally impacted our illness experience.

So, how can I describe my condition just using 140 characters?  Well, this could be extremely challenging giving the complexity and the unrecognised nature of my illness.  But here it goes…

Neurological condition affecting the brainstem. The effects include constant dizziness, vertigo and spastic paraparesis affecting the legs

The first part is self-explanatory, obviously the illness that I live with is a result of a neurological condition, known as a long-standing brain-stem lesion.  The lesion is scarring of the brainstem, possibly as a result of a head injury of birth, although as it was diagnosed years later, the exact cause of the lesion is unknown.  The effects that I listed are the main symptoms that I experience as a result of the neurological condition.  As the statement suggests this include the constant dizziness (feeling as if my world is unbalanced), vertigo (as if the world around me is spinning).  The spastic paraparesis is another symptoms that is troublesome to my daily life.  It affects primarily the legs as suggested by the above statement.  It causes stiffness and weakness of the legs which makes it uncomfortable and at times very difficult to walk.  Often due to the weakness, it can cause my legs to suddenly give way from under me.  Recently, I have been battling severe trembling in the legs, a jelly-like feeling in my legs, which above all is extremely uncomfortable and leaves me unable to stand for long.  Of course, there are other symptoms that I experience such as nausea, neuropathic pain and fatigue.

Are you able to describe your condition in 140 characters?  Give it a try!

 

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To the second part, then!  How has social media impacted my illness experience?  For starters, the impact upon my illness experience is mainly positive.  Social media, not only allows patients to connect with others and share their stories and experiences, it also allows patients to raise awareness of their particular chronic illness, and share with others what it is like to live with illness every day, and everything that goes with it, for example, I often tweet via Twitter on how I am feeling, and attempt to write how the symptoms affect me and what it is like to live with them.  Not only is social media fantastic and advocating and raising awareness of illness, but it is great to connect with others, particularly when we are experiencing a flare or relapse, and gain support from other patients in similar circumstances.  It provides camaraderie for those experiencing chronic illness, like myself.

Think about when you are ill in bed, it often involves being stuck in bed, alone whilst everyone else is busy living their lives.  Asa  result, it often leaves you feel lonely and isolated, right?  Think if illness was a regular part of your life; being stuck in bed, lonely in your bedroom with no company was a regular part of your routine.  That feeling of loneliness and isolation is also a regular part of your life, however Twitter and other forms of social media, provides patients with chronic illness a perfect tonic, as it allows to converse with other people even when in bed via new technologies such as smartphones and tablets.

It provides entertainment and diversion from illness.   Often, when I am bed bound due to the extreme weakness in my legs, or due to severe dizziness, I am very grateful for the supportive messages that I receive on Twitter from other chronically ill patients and friends; they really brighten the day, and also reminds me that I am not alone on the journey through illness.  Social media provides real-life perspectives on illness, and besides the entertainment and social aspects, perhaps the most valuable features of such sites is it’s a place free from judgement and stimatisation that many experience in the real-world, as well as educating others about particular medical conditions in order to tackle the problem of stigma .

 

As most of you know, each Wednesday, I attend a group called ‘Life 4 Living Pontypridd.’  The group is a social one, which promotes positivity and friendship among its members.   The focus of the group is to promote people’s strengths and enjoy life despite one’s own personal circumstances.  One such way, to promote a positive outlook, we have been asked to devise a ‘Bucket List’ – a wish-list that one would like to achieve before they ‘kick the bucket’, or in other words die!

 

 

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It is thought that the phrase derives from the Middle Ages, when execution by hanging, consisted of a noose being tied around the neck whole standing on an overturned bucket.  When the said bucket was kicked away, the victim would hang until dead, hence the phrase “kicking the bucket”.  The term has recently been popularised, by a film starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, of the same name, about two terminally ill men meeting at a hospital, and devises a wish-list of to-do’s before dying, which they attempt to complete together on a road trip.

 

 

The film 'The Bucket List' has popularised the idea of creating such lists of things to do before you die!
The film ‘The Bucket List’ has popularised the idea of creating such lists of things to do before you die!

 

 

Initially, the idea of a such a list sounds morbid and depressing; seems to be planning the end of your life, instead of living life whilst we still have it.  It suggests a “check-off the boxes” approach to life; sitting round waiting to die.   However, isn’t the phrase more to do with living than dying?  Wouldn’t completing items on such a list make life more meaningful and memorable.  Those memories, are not only positive and meaningful for the terminally ill person, but will also live on after they have gone, by those left behind who were also part of the experience.

Now, the condition with which I live, is obviously is not terminal, and more than likely be around for many more years to come.  In this case, the phrase ‘Bucket List’ is misleading.  How many of you, have such wish-lists?  Would your imminent death, really the main motivational factor in creating one?  The majority of people, I am sure would say no.  Perhaps, it is important, however, for people with chronic illnesses to create such lists in order to accomplish personal ambitions, before the illness prevents them from doing so.  Perhaps, by creating such lists, would provide those with chronic illness with experiences that they can look forward to, whilst they are dealing with horrible, debilitating symptoms, and through treatments that can feel worse than the condition itself.  Whilst studying Psychology at University, I learnt about the importance of goal-setting.  Such goals can motivate us to accomplish items on such wish-lists; and furthermore the most motivating goals are those which are hard and specific, although it does need to be coupled with steps to achieving said goal, but writing a ‘bucket-list’ is the critical first-step.

One of the things, that is on my personal ‘bucket list’ is to someday visit Italy, and I am pleased to say, that my parents and I have booked a cruise for next year and one of the countries we will be visiting is Italy!!  Of course, there is much trepidation on my part surrounding the trip, especially giving the deterioration in my symptoms.  However, it has also given me something to look forward to in the future; even on the days where I have been confined to my bed due to uncooperative legs, it has given me something to smile about and aim for.  It has given me something to think about other than illness, and hospital appointments.

It has really put a pep in my step!

 

 

 

What would you add to your Bucket List?
What would you add to your Bucket List?

 

 

What are your thoughts regarding ‘bucket-lists’?  Are you for or against?  What would you put on your bucket-list?  As ever, I would love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to comment below!

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