5 Ways To Find Self-Love When Chronically Ill

Sheryl from A Chronic Voice, as well as sharing her own stories and lessons with chronic illness. Sheryl is an excellent support to other bloggers and writers living with illness and chronic pain. One such way is through monthly link-up parties whereby bloggers and writers share their stories through given prompts. For February 2020, I will use the prompts to discuss five ways in which we can use to find self-love when chronically ill.

After what felt like an incredibly long month, we finally find ourselves in February. February, a month that many regards as the ‘Month of Love’ as we look towards preparations for St. Valentine’s Day. A holiday that, for many, is exclusive for couples, as they those arrange to celebrate the person they love.

Sadly, however, we rarely take the time to celebrate ourselves. Often, we never take time to love ourselves; spending more time being hard on ourselves, or running ourselves down. Many even find it difficult to love themselves at all.

"We rarely take the time to celebrate ourselves. Often, we never take time to love ourselves; spending more time being hard on ourselves, or running ourselves down. Many even find it difficult to love themselves at all." Share on X

It can be hard to feel self-love when in a constant battle with your body

It can be especially challenging to find love ourselves, for example, when living with chronic illness. Why is this?

Because when living with a chronic illness, self-esteem becomes heavily impacted. When constantly sick and in pain, we too are confronted with the many negative changes that our body undergoes. As a result, it can foster a deep hatred of our bodies. We find ourselves constantly exhausted when always on edge, waiting for the next imminent hurdle or setback.

"When constantly sick and in pain, we too are confronted with the many negative changes that our body undergoes. As a result, it can foster a deep hatred of our bodies, and ourselves." Share on X

We also find ourselves unable to do many of the things we used to do.   And forced to rely on others for help with often the simplest of things. So, we start to feel shame and guilt for succumbing to illness. And so not only do we not love ourselves, but it can also lead to feelings of self-hatred. 

RuPaul once famously said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else.” Such profound words, but also begs the question of how we can love our life if we are unable to love ourselves first?

So how can we start to work on self-love when living with the constant effects of chronic pain. Plus the many other symptoms that accompany life with chronic illness?

"How can we start to work on self-love when living with the constant effects of chronic pain. Plus the many other symptoms that accompany life with chronic illness?" Share on X

Way to Find Self Love When Chronically Ill: Don’t Go Looking To Comparing Yourself To Others

With the rise of social media, it is easier than ever to compare yourself to that of others. We are often our own worst enemy, as we pick ourselves apart, weighing ourselves and our achievements against others. As a consequence, we often feel that we fail to measure up to everyone else.

For those of us living with chronic illness, we are particularly susceptible to feeling low as well as feelings that we are ‘less than’ as we compare ourselves to others. As we look to our healthy peers, we think that we have failed to achieve as much as them. Or feelings of jealousy as we see them living without the limitations or obstacles that we continue to face every day. 

"For those of us living with chronic illness, we are particularly susceptible to feeling low as well as feelings that we are 'less than' as we compare ourselves to others." Share on X

But, they don’t live with the limitations that we do, so comparing ourselves against them is futile, leading to feelings of self-hatred and blame. Instead we need to learn to celebrate and embrace our lives, imperfections and all. There is only going to be one you, and that is always going to be enough and deserves celebrating!

Way to Find Self-Love When Chronically Ill: Playing The Gratitude Card

When living with a chronic illness, and with a body that is continuously hurting, it can be too easy to focus on everything that is wrong with our bodies. It becomes easy to see our bodies as a prison cell, with no escape, trapped inside hell.

It can seem, especially when blighted with unrelenting symptoms that things are constantly going wrong. And as consequence we fail to see or appreciate when things are going right.

It can be a useful exercise, therefore, to practice gratitude by keeping a journal for when things go right — or writing down the things that make you feel good despite chronic illness. It can also help reframe our criticism with our bodies with gratitude for its hard work in fighting illness.

"When practising gratitude, the act of self-love becomes second nature. It helps us to see the blessings around us, including ourselves." Share on X

When practising gratitude, the act of self-love becomes second nature. It helps us to see the blessings around us, including ourselves. And the thoughts we hold become less focused on criticism and self-doubt to love, kindness and acceptance towards ourselves despite the unrelenting force of chronic illness and its symptoms.

Way to Find Self-Love When Chronically Ill: Joining A New Club & Engaging With A Hobby or Interest

When living with persistent and debilitating symptoms, and never feeling well, it can be easy to succumb to the illness and begin to see that it is all we are. It is often all too easy to start to see the diagnosis as the sole defining factor of our identity.

But as we do so, confronted with the increasing number of losses, self-hatred and lack of purpose also grow. By taking up a new hobby, or engaging with previous hobbies and interests, it may help increase our self-confidence. They give us an identity outside that of chronic illness and gives us a new sense of purpose.

"By taking up a new hobby, or engaging with previous hobbies and interests, it may help increase our self-confidence. They give us an identity outside that of chronic illness and gives us a new sense of purpose." Share on X

It allows us the opportunity not to have our illness at the top of our minds, and to feel like everyone else. It gives us the gift of feeling like our peers. And it also allows us the fortuity to connect with like-minded individuals; the ability to connect with others. When spending so much time at home, often alone due to illness, it is easy to become isolated. But being with others and taking part in an activity, you all have an interest in helping foster a sense of belonging.

Also, when developing a hobby, especially during hardships, it can help increase self-confidence by giving you a sense of accomplishment every time we progress on that hobby. And that new sense of achievement gives us something new to feel good about ourselves. It also reminds us of the abilities that we do still have, especially when it feels that chronic illness only takes away.

"Also, when developing a hobby, especially during hardships, it can help increase self-confidence by giving you a sense of accomplishment every time we progress, giving us something new to feel good about ourselves." Share on X

Way to Find Self-Love When Chronically Ill: Invigorating Body and Soul With Simple Acts of Self-Care

In recent times ‘self-care’ has become a fashionable buzzword conjuring images of luxurious spa days, or a shopping spree for example. Although such activities can be fun and rewarding, for those of us living with chronic illness are ones which we don’t have the energy or financial means to enjoy.

But simple acts of self-care can be as rewarding. Actions such as taking a bath or shower, followed by using a favourite lotion. Or ensuring that we are drinking enough water during the day and nourishing our body with healthy and nutritious foods.

"Self-care is taking the time to listen to our bodies, and giving it what it needs at that moment. Doing what you can for your body to make yourself feel better." Share on X

Self-care is taking the time to listen to our bodies, and giving it what it needs at that moment. Doing what you can for your body to make yourself feel better. And doing so helps to restore the balance in your relationship with your body.

Way to Find Self-Love When Chronically Ill: Ditching Self-Blame

When living with a chronic illness, there is a strong temptation to self-blame. For those of us struggling with pain and sickness, it can feel the suffering is punishment for something we’ve done wrong or retribution for a deep character flaw. Or when illness flares, we may blame ourselves for the situation, as penance for overdoing it or not taking better care of ourselves.

"An essential path towards self-love is in learning to accept ourselves and our conditions. It also means yielding self-compassion when we are left unable to do anything and celebrating those times we can." Share on X

To combat falling into the spiral of self-blame is to replace it with self-love. An essential path towards self-love is in learning to accept ourselves and our conditions despite wishing things were different. It also means yielding self-compassion when we are left unable to do anything and celebrating those times we can.

After all, there is no benefit to self-blame and only leads to a hefty emotional tax to thinking this way.

So, how do you find your way towards self-love when living with a chronic illness?