This is a very hard post to write. Not only because of its contents but also because of the way recent events has left me feeling, which is very down if I am to be honest with you all.
This is because last Tuesday, I had yet another hospital appointment with the neurological consultant that I am under. The purpose of this visit was a follow-up on how I have progressed since the last visit but also to find out the results of the tests that I have had conducted as well as the findings from the other consultants that I have seen, since the last time that I saw him. All of the test results came back clear, however and as a result we are no more closer to finding a diagnosis than we were before.
Of course, it is a relief to know that there isn’t anything seriously wrong, but at the same time I was devastated at the lack of positive test results and as a result no diagnosis. During another neurological examination, when asked to slide my ankle down the opposite leg, the bent leg started going into spasm. At this finding, the neurologist’s face became puzzled, but at this he could tell something is wrong but is at a loss what it could be. Interestingly, he noticed findings that were not present during the last examination.
So what now? Well, now he has decided to test for some genetic causes to explain my symptoms, including:
- Dopa-responsive dystonia
- Spinocerebellar ataxia
I think I am partly becoming down because of the unknown of this situation. The unknown of what exactly is wrong with me as well as the unknown of what I am facing. In my opinion, not knowing is often the worse than the reality. If I had a definitive diagnosis, then at least I would have an idea of what may happen and to make plans accordingly. However, not knowing is similar to being stuck in limbo; stuck in the middle of nowhere and at a lost as to the direction my life is headed.
“Not having a definitive diagnosis is like being stuck in limbo…” (Click to Tweet)
I am also worried that if the doctor’s are a loss as to the cause of my symptoms than they are eventually going to be labelled as being psychological. It is true that in the past I have had problems with both depression and anxiety but I am positive that these were as a result of my undetermined condition. For example, I know that the anxiety started after the dizziness – who would not become anxious after experiencing something so unpleasant and not knowing what was happening? Then there were the thoughts that I should have asked more question, for example should I have asked for a MRI with contrast – could that have shown something a regular MRI would not? Although I am worried about this, the neurologist that I am under seems to be determined to find the cause of my symptoms and is even willing to refer me to someone else in the department or even a possibility of being referred to a specialist neurological hospital in London.
But in the meantime, it looks like I may be stuck in limbo for the forseeable future…
So I am interested in hearing your stories of diagnosis…How long did you wait for a diagnosis? If you are still waiting for a diagnosis, how do you feel about it?
Am also interested in the views of those living with the disorders that are mentioned above…How long did you wait to be diagnosed? How were you finally diagnosed?
Feel free to comment below…